Ashley Greene looks absolutely smokin’ hot on the cover of the December issue of Mexican Esquire. Ha ha… Mexican Esquire. This shit almost writes itself sometimes. Mexican Esquire must be where you go once you’ve been passed over by Haitian Vanity Fair and GQ Estonia.
I was trying to tell which one of these two twats looked like they were more miserable, and honestly, I couldn’t decide. Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson both look like they’re trying to squeeze the itch out of an anal polyp. Hate to break it to you, kids, but that’s a two-finger job. Clenching and soulful staring isn’t gonna cure what ails ya.
On the red carpet at the “Twilight: Breaking Dawn” premiere in the UK last night:
This is hands-down the best Jennifer Love Hewitt’s looked in forever, but homegirl needs to ease up on the red carpet posing. It’s fucking cheesy (almost as cheesy as using the word “homegirl” in a post, some would even say). Her blowout is perfect and the color and fit of the dress are impeccable, and then she goes and ruins it with that stupid shit. I wonder how many hours she spent posing in front of a mirror before she found that particular angle. I wouldn’t be surprised if she started shuffling down the red carpet sideways like a crab so photographers only get her good side.
At the premiere of that stupid Twilight crap:
PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures
Formerly blond Twilight star Kellan Lutz is the chiseled abs of Dylan George’s new ready-to-wear men’s collection, and they’ve got him doing what he does best: standing around in various states of undress. Ladies, I believe our Wednesday night just got booked solid.
Robert Pattinson doesn’t just look the part of a dirty, smelly greaseball, he really is one! Turns out that Señor Sparkle Pants is a hoarder! OMG! lolz! WTF! TTYL! ESPN! Says Digital Spy,
Robert Pattinson has revealed that he can’t stop hoarding his possessions.
The Twilight star admitted that he has to keep all of his books and clothes even when he has no use for them.
He told the Daily Record: “I’m a hoarder. I gave away all my furniture from [when I lived in] Baton Rouge, but with books and things I have storage spaces all over the world.
“It’s ridiculous. Clothes – I cannot give away clothes. I don’t know why. I wear the same thing every day and I just have piles and piles and piles of clothes and then every two years, I’ll go to the storage space and kind of see what I can give away.
“I give away like three things, search through everything and then pack it all back up and put it in the storage space.”
Well, once his career of staring intently into space is over, he can always let loose with the hoarding and get himself on a special episode on A&E’s Hoarders.
Looks like he took his monthly bath:
Before you choke on your retainer and pre-pubescent angst, you should know this kiss between Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson was totally staged for the honeymoon scene in the upcoming Twilight flick “Breaking Dawn.” I’d pretend I cared about this, but I just figured out I could trick my Pokéwalker into leveling up my Pokémon just by shaking it around in my fist for a while, so I’ll be understandably indisposed for the next thirty minutes. I’m sure you could find an ugly fat girl to squeal with outside of Hot Topic.
PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures
Usually when you see washboard abs, a hairless chest, buttery blond highlights and manicured stubble, you also see closeups of anal penetration, because you’re watching gay porn. Yet I don’t see a single pair of testicles slapping against Kellan Lutz’ ass anywhere in these pics. Maybe this is one of those “distance ejaculation” niche fetishes that you hear about on the internet. The other guy is probably just out of sight with a fluffer, aiming directly for Kellan’s pec implants.
PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures
The 2010 Teen Choice Awards happened last night and will air on Fox tonight at 8pm, in case you’re into wasting your time. Having awards handed out by teens means that shitty movies like The Twilight Saga: Eclipse, G.I. Joe: Rise of Cobra, and Jennifer’s Body get picked. If you’re interested in how many awards Justin Bieber got, and other reasons you should weep for the future generation, you can check out the whole awards list here. It being the Teen Choice Awards also means that there were a lot of people I have never heard of, but here’s some that I do recognize:
Kristen Bell:
Cat Deeley is a freaking giraffe and I wouldn’t even reach her shoulders:
I had no idea who Destinee & Paris were, so I looked them up and Wikipedia describes them as: “Destinee & Paris (formerly known as Clique Girlz and Clique) are an American girl group consisting of sisters Destinee and Paris Monroe.” I think I just died a little inside. Plastic girl on the left seems to have shiny boobs and is possibly wearing a body stocking.
Okay girls, you know I always try to take care of you. But gawd DAMN is it hard to find pictures of half-naked men! Well, ones that aren’t male models and therefore way gay, and so messes up the vibe. I guess it’s because the paps are predominantly male and are really only interested in taking pictures of women. So I tried to find someone hot and shirtless, but beggars can’t be choosers. Anyway, here’s Kellan Lutz who’s in the shitty Twilight movies, but I must say, he is quite yummy. Dare I say, Team Emmett? Hoo yeah! Enjoy, sexy bitches.
At the premiere of Eclipse with Nikki Reed:
So yeah, here I am posting pictures of Twilight’s Taylor Lautner. Before you judge me, you need to realize that I’m a completely straight chick, and even though I enjoy posting boobies for ya’ll, a girl’s got to have a little something to look at once in a while. So while Taylor’s nose begs to be bitten off by sparklepants vampire Edward, he’s waaaay better looking than that pasty emo bloodsucker. Boyfriend’s got some nice pectorals and abs, all’s I’m saying. And he’s legal now, so I don’t have that burning sense of shame. Actually, something is burning, but it could just be that weird rash that popped up.
Twilight’s Ashley Greene looks super-hot in this new photo shoot for Jack magazine, and I think we can all agree — never in the history of the printed word has there been a more aptly named periodical. Not counting the short-lived “FAP Monthly” and last year’s “Beat Your Meat Times,” of course. They were in a league all of their own.
Hi guys, it’s Sonya again for today, but Abby will be back tomorrow. The MTV Movie Awards were last night, but if you’re like me, I refuse to watch an award show where New Moon wins anything besides a steaming pile of crap. So, the big news was that Sandra Bullock kissed Scarlett Johansson, Mark Wahlberg humped Will Ferrell as they were suspended in harnesses, and Tom Cruise reprised his Les Grossman role from Tropic Thunder while dancing with Beyonce. It’s kind of nice to see him taking himself a little less seriously, but he’s still a creepy midget nutjob, and his “funny” falls kind of flat. But all I really care about is what everyone was wearing, so down with Xenu and let’s check out the clothes.
100 crows had to die for Christina Aguilera to look this good bad:
Jessica Biel got a few of her leftovers:
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