Miley Cyrus took to her Twitter yesterday to address her recent weight gain by posting a picture of an anorexic girl to shame her detractors for encouraging eating disorders by calling her fat. She tweeted:

By calling girls like me fat this is what you’re doing to other people. i love MYSELF & if you could say the same.

I don’t wanna be shaped like a girl I LOVE being shaped like a WOMAN & trust me ladies your man wont mind either

@ddlovato AMEN! I will destroy any one that ever calls you the F word. You have the SEXIIIESTTTT curvyyyy body! I LOVE IT! #werkthosecurves

I guess there’s solidarity in numbers for fat girls. They instinctively flock together like a herd of rhinoceroses. Except instead of the Serengeti plain, it’s in front of a mall Cinnabon.

PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures

On her Twitter today, pregnant Jessica Simpson re-tweeted a post from OMG facts stating: ‘The average person expels flatulence 15 times each day!’ But being Jessica Simpson, she added:

[15 times a day?] The average pregnant woman farts 15 times that!’

There you have it. Jessica Simpson has four chins and farts 225 times a day. That ought to mercifully kill any uncomfortable workday boner those basketball strippers might instigated this morning. Those girls are real troublemakers.

PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures

What kind of whore tweets a photo of herself reading her own Twitter page? Does she talk to herself on her Facebook wall, too? It seems a little pathetic, really. If there were an award for shameless attention-whoring, Adrianne Curry would definitely take the cake. And then probably stick her tits in it and rub the icing all over them, because she’s a giant attention-whore that way.

You know that uncomfortable feeling you get when someone has no sense of dignity and spills their guts everywhere? Yeah, this is one of those stories. Sinead O’Connor is the perpetrator, and Huffington Post tells the ugly tale:

In a blog entry titled, “IS SINEAD ABOUT TO HUMP HER TRUCK?” O’connor worries that she’s “so desperate for sex” that she might do something drastic.

“My sh-uation sexually/affectionately speaking is so dire that inanimate objects are starting to look good as are inappropriate and/or unavailable men and/or inappropriate and/or unavailable fruits and vegetables. I tell you yams are looking like the winners,” she writes.

“Needless to say what I do for a living makes it hard for me to find men that only want me cuz they like my (legendary) arse. Yet I am in the peak of my sexual prime and way too lovely to be living like a nun. and it’s VERY depressing.”

So to avoid the temptation of vegetables or automobiles, O’Connor has taken to her blog and twitter to try to find a suitable mate.

This call to arms for a “sweet sex-starved man” does not come without its stipulations.

The singer has crafted a rather thorough list of musts (“Must be blind enough to think I’m gorgeous”) and must nots (“Must not be named Brian or Nigel”).

Oh, and just in case you were wondering, the good times don’t stop at the produce section.

“Let me now take time to make VERY clear that yes I ‘do anal’ and in fact I would be deeply unhappy if ‘doing anal’ wasn’t on the menu, amongst everything else$$ So if u don’t like ‘the difficult brown’.. Don’t apply…”

Also, women “will also be very much considered.”

Applications will be funneled through O’Connor’s assistant. (Really.)

Thinking about dumpy Sinead humping trucks and doing anal is slightly less discomfiting than say, watching your teenaged mentally-challenged neighbor discover the joys of masturbation on the front porch. I only say it’s slightly less disturbing because I was able to record the incident in order to bribe his sister with it, who happened to be a royal bitch to me at school. In Sinead’s situation, I have no such chance of personal gain, so yes, it’s more disturbing.

Hey, speaking of anal, here’s Kim Kardashian at the MTV Video Music Awards:

Kim Kardashian is a woman with something to prove. And no, it isn’t that she has a viable excuse for being alive, it’s that her ass is real. Digital Spy reports,

Kim Kardashian has revealed an X-ray of her bottom to prove that it’s real.

The Kourtney & Kim Take New York star’s sister Khloe posted a photograph of Kim posing next to an X-ray of her famous behind on her official website this week.

An accompanying message reads: “Hey dolls. The PROOF is in the X-ray. Kim’s ass is 100% real!!! (sic)”

Kim wrote on her own Twitter feed: “Haha! The things my sisters have me do! Proof baby!… See, it’s REAL!!! LOL.”

Oh yes, I absolutely believe it’s real. But let’s expand on the term “real”. Technically, the tissue that I stuff into my bra is real; tissue is a real, tangible object, making my larger (if somewhat lumpy and misshapen) bustline real. It’s all how you spin it. Fat injected into your ass is absolutely real. Kim K, you’re going to get up awfully early in the morning to outsmart this D-cup!

Jackass star Ryan Dunn was reportedly three sheets to the wind and going 100 miles an hour when he slammed his Porsche into a tree early Monday morning, killing himself and his passenger instantly. People Magazine says:

A few hours before his accident, Dunn had three Miller Lites and three “girly shots” at a bar close to where he died in Pennsylvania.

One bar patron tells the site that Dunn was “wasted.”

Additionally, while the TV personality and his pals were drinking, the activities were posted in a photo that has since been taken down from Dunn’s Twitter page.

After news of Dunn’s death became public, legendary film critic Roger Ebert tweeted, “‘Jackass’ star Ryan Dunn, RIP. His Porsche flew through 40 yards of trees. Friends don’t let Jackasses drink and drive.” Naturally, blogger Perez Hilton — who is well-known for his tact and sense of decorum — couldn’t let that one go without making it about himself. Radar Online says:

In response [to Ebert's tweet], blogger Perez Hilton wrote, “Everyone makes mistake, and this is somebody’s son. Too soon, Roger.”

And Dunn’s Jackass co-star Bam Margera [also tweeted]: “I just lost my best friend, I have been crying hysterical for a full day and piece of shit roger ebert has the gall to put in his 2 cents about a jackass drunk driving and his is one, fuck you! Millions of people are crying right now, shut your fat fucking mouth!”

“Shut your fat fucking mouth?” How exactly is he gonna do that, considering he had half of his jaw removed after being diagnosed with papillary thyroid cancer and has to use a feeding tube to eat? The difference here is that Roger Ebert didn’t lose half his face because he chose to pound purple hooter shooters and then drive it into a tree. He got cancer. There’s your “too soon,” jackass.

UPDATE: Turns out he was going 130 miles an hour when he crashed. Hard to believe that someone who starred in “Jackass” would ever do something so stupid and reckless.

This is all that was left of his Porsche 911 GT3:

Russell Crowe ruffled some feathers when he took to Twitter yesterday to denounce the centuries-old tradition of circumcision. Says E! Online:

It looks like Russell Crowe is now eating crow after ranting on Twitter about his views on a certain kind of snipping.

“Circumcision is barbaric and stupid. Who are you to correct nature? Is it real that GOD requires a donation of foreskin?” wrote the Oscar winner on Thursday after a fan asked if he should have his son’s removed. “Babies are perfect.”

The actor then proceeded to urge those of the Jewish faith to ease up on all those ceremonial circumcisions.

“I love my Jewish friends, I love the apples and the honey and the funny little hats but stop cutting yr babies @eliroth,” Crowe wrote to the director of his upcoming movie The Man With the Iron Fist.

“I will always stand for the perfection of babies, i will always believe in God, not man’s interpretation of what God requires,” insisted Crowe, adding: “last of it, if u feel it is yr right 2 cut things off yr babies please unfollow and f**k off, I’ll take attentive parenting over barbarism.”

After all that, though, Crowe soon realized that he may have offended a few folks, so he opted to remove all his remarks from his page and serve up an apology.

“I have a deep and abiding love for all people of all nationalities, I’m very sorry that I have said things on here that have caused distress,” he typed today. “My personal beliefs aside I realize that some will interpret this debate as me mocking the rituals and traditions of others. I am very sorry.”

I’m sorry, but “correcting nature” sometimes is a very good thing. I’ve naturally got a unibrow and a mustache, and you’d thank me very kindly for plucking and waxing if I let nature take its course and I gave the bearded lady a run for her money. So if I don’t like the peen shrouded like some mystery meat, that’s my preference, thankyouverymuch.

Rebecca Romijn in Vegas Magazine, because a hot Russell Crowe is something you only see in Gladiator nowadays:

Rihanna’s latest video “Man Down” has stirred up all kinds of controversy in the last two days, but I’m just now getting around to it because it contained absolutely no naked Blake Lively photos. You see my dilemma. TMZ says:

The Parents Television Council is blasting Rihanna for hawking a “cold, calculated execution of murder” in her brand new music video for “Man Down.”

The council is outraged that Rihanna would suggest that gunning down a rapist in a crowded train station is a proper form of justice.

The PTC is all the more outraged that Rihanna tweeted her fans that the video contained, “a very strong underlying message 4 girls like me.”

Rihanna responded to the criticism yesterday with a series of tweets absolving herself of any wrongdoing in that she is a “rockstar” making “art,” not a parent. Her words, not mine. The Daily Mail says:

Rihanna has defended her controversial new music video Man Down, insisting ‘this is the real world’.

‘I’m a 23 year old rockstar with NO KIDS! What’s up with everybody wanting me to be a parent? I’m just a girl, I can only be your/our voice!’ she wrote.

‘The music industry isn’t exactly Parents R Us! We have the freedom to make art, LET US! Its your job to make sure they don’t turn out like US.’

Women are brutalized and exploited in music videos all the damn time, so I don’t see how a music video in which a girl brings down a little vigilante justice is such a big deal. If we’re gonna air grievances about the video, why don’t we start with the fact that the song sounds like a crappy Bob Marley cover band doing a ripoff of Aerosmith’s Janie Got a Gun with a little help from the Little Drummer Boy from the classic Christmas carol. Rum-pa-pa-pum? And I said it before, but it merits mentioning again — the video is sorely lacking in the Blake Lively nipple department. Ultimately, I think that’s where our real problem lies.

But it’s not short in the Rihanna nipple department, because she’s completely see-through in these screen grabs from the video:

The only woman in the world who might love herself more than Adrianne Curry is LeAnn Rimes, as evidenced by her insatiable need to post pictures of herself in a bikini on the internet every five goddamn minutes. Like these two pics, for example, taken while on honeymoon with current husband Eddie Cibrian in Mexico last week. The Daily Mail says:

The holiday picture – which shows the Grammy award winner on the beach in a blue and white two piece – quickly prompted concern among some of her thousands of her followers.

A fan wrote that the star looked ‘scary skinny.’

But LeAnn jumped straight on the defense, saying: ‘Those are called abs not bones love.’

She went on to say: ‘Thx but this is my body and I can promise you I’m a healthy girl. I’m just lean. Thx for your concern but no need to be.’

If those sharp, jutting, pointy things on her lower torso are supposed to be her abdominal “muscles”, she’s either in the process of digesting a bunch of roofing tiles or a baby pterodactyl is trying to claw its way out of her abdomen. Hips don’t lie, my friends. Just ask Shakira.

Shameless Twitter whore Adrianne Curry and husband Peter Brady announced on what would have been their fifth wedding anniversary that are separating. Us Magazine says:

Five years after tying the knot, Christopher Knight and Adrianne Curry have decided to end their marriage.

[Their spokesperson said]: “The decision was mutually reached after it became clear that some perspective was needed in order to assess their unique union… They still love one another but need some distance to consider their future.”

Knight, 53, known for his role as Peter Brady in the 1970s’s hit The Brady Bunch, met Curry, 28, while they were housemates on the VH1 series The Surreal Life. Their on-screen romance let to their own spin-off series My Fair Brady, which documented their engagement, wedding and first year of marriage.

I don’t buy their separation for a second. This whole thing stinks of Speidi faux-divorce-in-the-hopes-of-garnering-a-reality-show-out-of-it schemes and machinations. I’m sure Adrianne has realized that gratuitous self-exposure on Twitter will only get her so far in life. For real success, you gotta go cable or porn.

Twitter, how do I love thee:

Leann Rimes posted a picture of herself in a bikini on her Twitter yesterday (above, right) in an attempt to convince you that she’s not suffering from an eating disorder (above, left). And then to prove just how not eating-disorder-stricken she is, she repeatedly talked about how much she loved cookies(!) and pizza(!) and for good measure added that she didn’t have an eating disorder like seven more times. From her Twitter:

LOVE Thin Mint Cookies! I never know where to buy GS Cookies, so I’m always elated when someone I know has them! Love Thin Mints frozen!”

@lindseyg696 you don’t know me, you have NO idea what I weigh or eat, so why should you have any opinion about my weight?

@lindseyg696 I own that I am healthy and take dang goof care of my body, that’s what I own.

@KarlaHoffman last time we ordered pizza for the boys at our house you were there and I didn’t pass it up. You’ve witnessed it!

@sheilalambert11 I have no eating disorder and I’m healthy

@sweetness509 obviously! I’m not promoting anything BUT health. I workout 3-4 times a week and eat a healthy diet and treat myself.

@amejean @karlahoffman opinion should be based off of facts! There are no facts here other than yes, obviously I’ve lost weight, but I’m not unhealthy, I eat and take care of my body. I went through a divorce and couldn’t get out of bed for days for two years! I’m happy, healthy, joyful and active and work my butt off. That’s life, things change up and down. Real concern comes from people that know me and love me, not a stranger. From a stranger it’s called judgement and not needed. DONE.

Methinks the lady doth protest too much. Me also thinks nobody really giveth a shit either way. ‘Tis Leann Rimes. The only reason I even posteth these tweets was to misquoteth Hamlet and talketh like an 18th century bard.

What do you call a humble, low-keyed and well-mannered rapper? I don’t know either, I’ve never seen one. Kanye West is definitely not any of those things, and to prove it, he posted a tweet about bitches, n****** and abortion. Says msnbc.com,

Kanye West should have taken a cue from all the Justin Bieber backlash after the teen opened his mouth on abortion.
But this is Kanye we’re talking about, and when it comes to keeping his mouth shut (or his texting thumbs idle), he doesn’t. The rapper this week took to Twitter with his own views on the hot-button issue. “An abortion can cost a ballin’ n**** up to 50gs maybe a 100…Gold diggin’ b****** be getting pregnant on purpose. #STRAPUP my n*****!”

Needless to say, those remarks pissed off some people, notably Lily Allen, who last fall miscarried her second baby in two years. So what was Lily’s response?

Allen, who has defended the outrageous rapper and his Twitter rants in the past, retweeted Kanye’s remarks, then wrote: “Never has a tweet put me in such a bad mood. This is wrong on so many levels.”
But Allen’s views of the spotlight stealer seemed to have shifted and his words certainly struck home–sadly, she suffered a miscarriage last November while six months pregnant. Two years ago she also had a miscarriage.
Kanye later clarified his abortion rant by tweeting, “It ain’t happen to me but I know people.”

Yeah, damn those gold-digging bitches. I bet those conniving whores cut holes in the condoms that I’m sure you use every time you have sex just so they can get pregnant, right?  Because nothing has “fun” written all over it than having your cervix dilated and a vacuum shoved up your hoo-ha. That’s what they told me at Planned Parenthood, anyway.

My Nana would love your fur coat: