You know that feeling you get when you’re walking past a crazy hobo who’s spouting gibberish? That sort of panicked, where do I look oh God he’s making eye contact feeling? Well, now you can suffer through that feeling without the inconvenience of being outdoors, courtesy of America’s Next Top Model. Tyra Banks stars as princess Snow White, complete with poison apples, gay Prince Charming and “the Good Fierce Witch” as she introduces the makeover segment of the show (around the 3:30 mark). It’s as fucking insane as it sounds. All that’s missing is the stench of urine and Wild Irish Rose and maybe a shopping cart full of aluminum cans.
Talk-show host Tyra Banks claims to have been terrorized the last few months by a gentleman sending letters and flowers and showing up at some of her studios unannounced. Cops arrested the stalker last week, but seeing as how his only crime is loving Tyra too much, they released him the following day. The New York Post reports
Brady Green, 37… arrived in the lobby [of "The Tyra Banks Show"] at 4:23 p.m. on Tuesday carrying a large duffel bag stuffed with magazine write-ups about Banks. Cops were called to the scene, where Banks said she feared for her safety.
But at 7:22 p.m., Green was back across the street… at a McDonald’s. Cops arrested him and charged him with stalking, harassment and criminal trespass. The next morning, Green appeared in Manhattan Criminal Court and pleaded not guilty to the charges. Judge Anthony Ferrara released him, but issued an order of protection for Banks.
Some people just confuse “pursuing true love” with “stalking.” Just like some people are “repulsed” by your collage of personal effects unearthed from their garbage and “terrified” of the shrine of photos of them shot with a long-range lens from rented room across the street. These are the same people that suggest “you take your Klonopin” and “pull up your pants” before “they call the cops” “again.”
A blogger for Paper magazine named Fabian Basabe wrote yesterday that former model turned talk show host Tyra Banks crapped herself at Fashion Week. Now her hatred of pants makes a little more sense, doesn’t it? According to Gawker
Basabe was filming an interview in the W suite at the tents [when] a whole cadre of people barged in and kicked him out [because] Tyra needed to change her clothes… because of an “incident.” Apparently they had a spare change of clothes all lined up which made him wonder if it’s happened before. Basabe’s [used] the icky term “messed herself” [several times in his post].
Ooh, that’s hot. Well, maybe not so much “hot” as “warm and steamy and likely to chap.”
Tyra with unsoiled draws at the Jill Stuart fashion show February 4th:
I’m not sure what’s going on here, because I refused to watch the clip with the sound on. Best I can tell, Tyra Banks pulls her pants off and screams “Woo!” a lot while the audience explodes into thunderous applause. Thunderous being the operative word here. It probably has something to do with easing her unbearable inner thigh chafing or switching to an elastic waistband because it’s almost lunchtime. Anyway, everyone else in the front row immediately follows suit — probably because they don’t want to be swabbed in gravy and eaten — and then there’s more obligatory clapping and wooing and a couple of nervous sideways glances at each other. It’s like a giant Weight Watchers meeting, only with less pants and more fear-motivated enthusiasm. The Tyra Banks Show just keeps raising the bar for daytime television!
Last week reports of child abuse in the Oprah’s private school for impoverished African girls — the Oprah Winfrey Leadership Academy for Girls in South Africa — hit the news media, and no one was more shocked than the talk show queen herself. The NY Daily News reports
“I was, needless to say, devastated and really shaken to my core when I first heard this news. I spent about a half an hour crying,” an emotional Winfrey revealed Monday. “I am a mama bear when it comes to protecting my children. These girls are like my children. That’s not just rhetoric for me. I am prepared to do whatever is necessary to make sure that the Oprah Winfrey Leadership Academy for Girls becomes the safe, the nurturing setting that I had envisioned - a place capable of fostering these girls’ productivity, creativity and humanity. It will become a model for the world.”
Winfrey said she waited to fully discuss the scandal until after dorm matron Tiny Virginia Makopo, 27, was formally charged… with indecent assault, assault and criminal injury against six students ages 13 to 15, and a 23-year-old fellow dormitory matron. [Oprah] hired investigators who spent a week talking to the students before local cops were brought in. Winfrey plans to give each and everyone of the 152 girls a cell phone with her number on speed dial. Winfrey admitted the screening process for the dorm matrons was “inadequate, also said that many changes would be made at the school.”
I think the real problem is that Oprah never had talking vagina puppets on her show. Not one. Tyra Banks knows that nothing staves off the sex predators like a good puss-puppet! That’s probably why they sell them at porn shops and Star Trek conventions. I personally keep three on my person at all times for emergencies. All kinds of emergencies, if you know what I mean. Wink, wink, nudge, nudge! You know, like when I can’t find a coozy for my bottle of gin or my husband won’t let me go to sleep. Problem solved!
