Here’s the luscious Christina Hendricks at the LA premiere of  Devil and unbelievably lucky bastard Geoffrey Arend. Unfortunately her dress makes her look less like “smoking hot vixen” and more like “chain-smoking Grandma”. Seriously, what the hell is that? It breaks my heart to see her boobs so badly represented. That dress makes them look like they’re sagging around her waist.  There’s plenty of time for that when she gets older, but right now she better get her act together dress up them girls to their best advantage!

Leighton Meester went to the opening of Klutch nightclub in Miami last night, and she wore whatever the holy hell this thing is.  I can’t even figure out what’s going on here.  Are those ruffles?  Are they scallops?  I don’t understand.  It looks like someone folded an already-ugly dress into eighths and then went at with a scissors, the way little kids make paper snowflakes in kindergarten art class.  Did she buy this thing on Etsy?

You may bleach and dye and straighten the girl until she doesn’t really look black anymore, but you can never take away her desire for over-the-top, showy clothes and bling-bling. If it doesn’t have sequins and a mermaid hem, then it has a train that requires its own handler (see Toby adjusting it below?) I think I saw this dress on a Bob Mackie for Barbie dress back in the 80′s. Do you girls remember those? Those were so ridiculously awesome. That Sears Wishbook would come every Christmastime and I’d eagerly flip to see what spangled, sequined creation would be outfitting Barbie that year. I never got one, dammit. Maybe Beyonce didn’t get one either, and that’s why she’s been dressing like a peacock.

At the premiere of the shitty-looking new movie “Obsessed”: