Kirsten Dunst and Kristen Stewart posed on the red carpet in Cannes yesterday at the premiere of their new movie “On the Road,” which from the looks of it is the story of a couple of Gorgon sisters minus the all-seeing eyeball. Pass.

Ugly squared:

There’s a reason Chico’s and Coldwater Creek don’t sell string bikinis, people. See Exhibit A: Sharon Stone on the beach in Venice. Gross. Once you hit the half-a-decade mark, you have no business EVER showing your midsection in public. Put that shit under a caftan and stuff it in some support hose and a pair of orthopedic shoes where it belongs.

Shortly after announcing that Britney Spears had signed on to become a judge on X Factor, Fox revealed that former Disney star Demi Lovato would be joining her illustrious ranks as the fourth and final judge for the upcoming season. People magazine says:

Confirmation of their new roles was made Monday at the FOX upfronts in New York City.

“I’m so excited about this whole experience,” Spears, 30, said. “It’s going to be so much fun and so different from anything I’ve ever done. I’m ready to find a true star.”

“I am totally stoked to be here,” Lovato, 19, added. “I’m excited to represent my generation and I’m ready to find the winner.”

I think it’s clear why they went with Demi Lovato. The raw sex appeal. And I of course mean “raw” in the “inner thigh chafing” sense of the word. She’s about to Hulk right out of those pants she’s wearing.

Performing in Buenos Aires two weeks and 73 chalupas ago:

Seeing pictures of Lindsay Lohan always makes me wanna take a shower. You feel nasty just looking at her. Between the indiscriminate patches of self-tanner and the coke sweat, she always looks greasy and dirty and like she should be crawling out of a frat house at 4:30 in the morning with a condom stuck to her shoe and barf in her hair. And then there’s the makeup. Dear God, the makeup. The only thing she did right was covering up that cold sore with lipstick.

At the A&E Networks 2012 Upfront in New York last night:

Florence + The Machine frontwoman Florence Welch and Kirsten Dunst brought a taste of vintage Christmas to the Met’s Costume Institute Gala last night — Florence as one of those white artificial Christmas trees so popular in the 70′s, and Kirsten as Mrs. Claus in power suit circa 1984. Good thing it’s not really Christmas, though. Both of those dresses would have made baby Jesus cry for sure.

Ugly Met Gala antidote Scarlett Johansson on the red carpet:

It’s rare to find mock turtlenecks, gold sequins and and a turban outside a nursing home bridge club, but that didn’t stop Victoria’s Secret model Karolina Kurkova from wearing this dress to the Met’s Costume Institute Gala last night. You can almost smell the soiled Depends and denture adhesive from here.

If festooning yourself in criminally unflattering pants were an art form, Lindsay Lohan would be Michel-fucking-angelo by now. Even Mariah Carey’s asymmetrical spandex labia are embarrassed for her.

FUPA-ing it up (thanks to the sailors aboard the USS Eisenhower for that little gem!) with her equally repugnant sister Ali:

I thought it was ironic that Pamela Anderson would show up in leather to a PETA event, but it turns out that’s actually just her skin. I wonder how many PETA activists flour-bombed her before they finally realized their gaffe.

In Berlin with camel toe:

It’s a sad state of affairs when someone wearing ruffled purple bloomers and a fanny pack is still not the worst-dressed person in the photo.

Kesha might wanna re-think those shorts. And the daily fourth meals at Taco Bell:

You peasants might be struggling to pay your bills in this shithole of an economy, but you can live vicariously through LeAnn Rimes, who can easily afford to drop a wad of cash on a “casual” outfit. Us Weekly says,

When she’s not showing off her slim body in a teeny bikini, or wearing a designer dress on the red carpet, LeAnn Rimes prefers to keep it casual. Sort of.

The self-professed shopaholic’s enviable street style comes at a hefty price. For example, what appeared to be a laid-back look of jeans, a button down and sandals cost the singer, 29, a total of $10,356!

How’s that possible? The trendy printed pants, by Rag & Bone, retail for $253, the white DVF shirt is $298 and the Giuseppe Zanotti platforms are $1,055. And don’t forget her $4,200 Chanel bag, $150 Ray-Ban shades and $4,500 Ippolita bracelets.
She even wore a super luxe accessory to her stepson’s soccer game, rocking $845 studded Valentino sandals with $154 Rag & Bone jean shorts and gold dangly earrings.

She may have a rockin’ body and be dressed in fancy duds, but there’s always the issue with her face. Prancing around in a bikini will only pardon your face for so much, and I think her face has cashed in on all available indulgences. Lipstick on a pig, my friends.

‘That 70′s Show’s’ Lisa Robin Kelly was busted over the weekend for domestic violence, according to E! Online.

Kelly was arrested in Lost Hills for spousal abuse by the Los Angeles County Sheriff’s Department.

She is currently in jail with bail set at $50,000.

Lisa is no stranger to run-ins with the law—she last pled guilty to DUI back in 2010.

Kelly starred as Eric Foreman’s (Topher Grace) promiscuous sister on the popular show through season five.

It wouldn’t surprise me at all if she had her husband and bit his finger off. Gollum had 500 years of unnatural life living under a mountain. What’s her excuse? Damn, girl.

Hey, speaking of someone else who looks like they haven’t seen the sun in 500 years, here’s Julianne Moore in bikini bottoms.

I had a doll with a face like Tori Spelling’s once. Of course, it wasn’t supposed to look like that. My evil little brother had already started cooking her in the microwave for about half a minute before I was able to rescue her. Unfortunately for Tori, no one rescued her from getting plastic surgery.

Photo source: Fame Pictures