I know that I told you about Rihanna’s British GQ photoshoot last week, but now that it’s on the stands, more pics (plus a couple of outtakes!) have made their way online. And if there’s one thing I’ve learned from black people, it’s that more always equals better. That goes for jewelery, gold teeth, visible designer labels, audible bass, whatever. And also that you should leave the price tag on your hat when you wear it. Otherwise, how will people know how much you paid for it?

Angelina Jolie sort-of confirmed that she will be playing Marilyn Monroe in an upcoming movie at the UK premiere of “Salt” last night — a big screen adaptation of a book written from the perspective of the iconic screen siren’s dog. I’ll give you a minute to process that. The Daily Mail says:

The actress is set to play Monroe in an adaptation of Andrew O’Hagan’s “The Life And Opinions Of Maf The Dog And Of His Friend Marilyn Monroe,” the author revealed at the Edinburgh Book Festival yesterday.

And George Clooney has been lined up to play Monroe’s close friend Frank Sinatra, O’Hagan confirmed, adding that production on the film would begin soon.

When asked about the film [on the red carpet at the UK premiere of "Salt"], she laughed and said she “would have to call and ask George Clooney” about it.

Angelina Jolie and George Clooney don’t usually attach themselves to stinkers, but Christ does it sound awful. To be fair, I’ve never read the book. But I didn’t have to read “Superbabies Take Manhattan” or “Bio-Dome 2: Through the Portal of Time” to know they sucked, either. Call it my writer’s intuition.

UPDATE: The L.A. Times is saying that Angelina’s camp has denied that she’s involved with this movie. All I can say is, I sure as hell hope so.

PHOTO SOURCE: Bauer-Griffin Online

If you think there’s a better way to kick-start your Fourth of July weekend celebration than with news of Lindsay Lohan getting punched in the face on her birthday, then you should probably go check your basement, because there’s a good chance the floorboards are packed with fertilizer and nitromethane because you hate America and everything it stands for. Fucking terrorist. Us Magazine says:

Lindsay Lohan was punched by a waitress at L.A. club Voyeur early Friday morning — her 24th birthday.

“A waitress just hit me – punched me for no reason,” the actress Twittered around 1 a.m.

[A witness at the club said], “The waitress has a history with Doug Reinhardt, and Lohan was hanging out with him. She was jealous, and out of nowhere, the waitress punched her in the face! [Then] Lohan ran out.”

The night didn’t get better from there.

Lohan went to a party at the nearby Rockstar House — and ran into the waitress again!

“Lohan showed up and cried because the waitress was there as well,” says another source. “Some birthday.”

The only way this story gets any better is if there were boobs. And hey, what do you know? Ashley Greene and her boobs at the UK premiere of Eclipse! Praise Lady Liberty, it’s a Fourth of July miracle!

PHOTO SOURCE: Bauer-Griffin

“The Hills” star Audrina Partridge strips down in the British version of FHM, which you’ll notice is a lot like our FHM, but with kilometers instead of miles and fish ‘n’ chips instead of toothbrushes. Lucky for us, boobs are not bound by cultural idiosyncrasies. Pip pip cheerio, mates!

It’s funny — I never noticed it before, but I just realized that you can’t spell “Anne Hathaway” without the letters T and A. Coincidence? I’ll let your wiener be the judge of that!

In the March issue of British GQ:

I’m sure you lay awake at night worrying about it, but now you can finally rest easy — Nicole Richie never actually had an eating disorder after all. The Daily Mail says

Nicole has come forward [in the March issue of Marie Claire UK] to reassure fans she has always been healthy [and] blast critics who had accused her of suffering from an eating disorder, [saying], “I felt it was a little unfair to say someone has an eating disorder when they don’t. It’s extremely insulting and irresponsible.”

Nicole revealed she is naturally skinny and finds it difficult to put on weight. “When I was heavier, everyone said I was too heavy,” [she said]. “You can’t win in the public eye and I find it really hard. So I ignore it now, I really do.”

I guess “ignoring it” really means “discussing it at length it in a two-page article in a major women’s magazine with an international fan base.” Someone should really tell my ex-boyfriend that’s he’s been doing it all wrong for the last two months.

In the March 2010 issue of Marie Claire:

It reportedly took “Zombieland’s” Amber Heard four months of daily exercise and a strict no-carb diet to drop 25 pounds for her role in the CW’s “Hidden Palms.” Whereas it only took me two weeks to drop 25 pounds, thanks to my staunch commitment to “The 3 M’s” — Meth, Mountain Dew and Marlboro Lights. You won’t find a trimmer physique in all of Rusty Acres Trailer Park!

Sienna Miller gets in touch with nature in next month’s issue of British GQ, posing provocatively in a field and caressing an American Saddlebred. It begs the inevitable question — “given the chance, would Sienna Miller do it with a horse?” Yes. Yes, she would. But only if it was married. Sienna Miller has her standards, you know!

Meet the charming ladies(?) of UK “dirty pop” group Fe-Nix. From their Myspace (gag gag) page, their bio reads:

Hailing from the UK, this four-piece dirty pop band made up of Jade (21), Ayshan (25), Tanya (24) and Priceless (22) are about to take Britain by storm with their brilliant new debut single, ‘Lady Baby’, a funkier twist on the R&B classic, My Boo (Ghost Town DJ’s).

After performing all over the UK individually the girls decided to combine their talents (after meeting each other through their dance class) and form a hot new girl group, but something was missing. They found what they were looking for in the form of Priceless. With the addition of this sassy lyricist from Wolverhampton the foursome hit it off and so, Fe-Nix was born!

Their musical tastes are varied; the ladies are big fans of Beyonce, Jazmin Sullivan, Alicia Keys, Michael Bolton, Turkish Music, Bob Marley, Mariah and The Pussycat Dolls. It is actually the latter who the ladies are compared to most.

Other comparisons include hit acts such as Misteeq and Booty Luv, however Fe-nix bring their own unique signature sound combining their diverse ethnicity’s, music tastes and eclectic styles.

Now, I’m not completely convinced that all of these shrinking violets have two X chromosomes, if you know what I mean. For example, Exhibit A: “Jade” up there seems a little too taken with her own rack. Kind of like she’s never seen it before, kind of like how a man might react if he suddenly woke up with two bouncing boobies on his chest and his penis missing. Maybe the UK really IS overrun with fugly women, so the masterminds at their record label went an unorthodox route to dredging up some t&a. The mystery and the self-discovery continues in Exhibit B, after the jump:

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