Mr. Posh Spice David Beckham unveiled images for the new Emporio Armani fall/winter underwear campaign at Selfridges in London today.  I don’t really have a whole lot to add here.  Pictures of athletic men in their undershorts generally tend to speak for themselves, I feel.

Beckham for the Emporio Armani fall/winter underwear campaign:

Launching the new campaign at Selfridges in London:

Ugh.  How this dumb bitch manages to remain alive and still tottering around is a complete mystery to me.  She’s spent the last several years literally doing everything in her power to court Death, but that worthless Grim Reaping jackhole can’t be arsed to pay her a damn bit of attention.

Amy Winehouse, graceful as always, leaving Maddox Nightclub in London last night:

Victoria Beckham has stolen a page from husband David’s book by stripping down to her knickers for a new Giorgio Armani advert. Half-naked insect women must be 2009’s Birkin bag! The Sun says

Her… first ever underwear shoot [is] for the fashion house’s Spring Summer campaign. The 12 million modeling deal follows the huge success of David’s eye-popping Armani campaign last summer.

Only David did it much better. See, he’s an international superstar athlete with the body of a Teutonic god, and she’s a praying mantis with hideous fake tits and skin like a thirteen-year old boy. I could put a pair of cantalopes in a Cross-Your-Heart and hang ‘em from a stop sign and still it’d be more erotic than this shit right here.

Pamela Anderson showed up at fashion photographer David LaChapelle’s ‘Jesus Is My Homeboy’ art exhibition over the weekend with the dewy complexion of a recently-unearthed potato and enough makeup to repaint the Sistine Chapel. Oh, and did I mention she wasn’t wearing any pants? According to the Daily Mail

The former Baywatch star caused a stir when she arrived at one of the most important art exhibitions in the U.S., Art Basel Miami Beach, wearing a pair of orange and black patterned underpants.

Anderson at least covered the top half of her modesty, with a grey off-the-shoulder t-shirt. Anderson enjoyed playing up to the cameras as she seductively bent over paintings, with her bottom and pink high heels in the air.

That just goes to show you that what you see in cartoons don’t always translate to real life. Sure, the whole “no pants” thing works for Donald Duck and Squidward, but experience has taught me that it doesn’t fly in the work place or while loitering outside the schoolyard. You also might want to pass on “swapping cigars with TNT” and “dressing up as a sexy girl rabbit to fool your captors.” Believe me, there are just some things from which the human mouth never recovers.

Country singer Taylor Swift told Women’s Health that she’s had a hard time buying underpants ever since she made it big. Fox News says

The teen star said that during a recent trip to Victoria’s Secret, she was taken aback at just how many people were watching her.

“I look up and there are, like, 15 people looking at me, with camera phones out, waiting to take a picture of which kind of underwear I’m going to buy. ‘Think she’s a small or an extra small?’ I wanted to be like, ‘Uh, guys? I can hear you!’”

Well, the way it was explained to me, taking candid cell phone pictures of girls’ underpants while they shop is illegal. Mall security used a bunch of words like “invasion of privacy” and “Video Voyeurism Prevention Act of 2004″ and “six months in jail” and “pervert loser.”

At the Glamour Women of the Year Awards on Sunday and arriving at the The Late Show yesterday:

Victoria’s Secret supermodel Heidi Klum spoofs Tom Cruise’s infamous Risky Business underwear scene in a new Guitar Hero 4 commercial directed by Brett Ratner, proving that not everything Ratner touches necessarily turns to shit. Just about 98% of it. Not that Ratner deserves any of the credit for the success of the commercial — you could give a mongoloid monkey a camera and a director’s chair and it’d be just as good. It’s scientifically impossible to fuck up “Heidi Klum in her underpants.” It’s like trying to fuck up the Sistine Chapel with more Michelangelo or Spring Break with more beer. In science terms, it just ain’t happening.