Unretouched photographs of Madonna topless in a hotel room taken during a December 2008 shoot for W Magazine leaked online yesterday, and Madonna has been frantically unleashing her attorneys to snatch them up as quickly as they appear (click on the header to see the only one I could still currently find). The Daily Mail says:

The unflattering shots [show] the 53-year-old singer – then aged 50 – in a series of unladylike positions wearing a see-through bra and a black thong.

In one she is sat with her legs apart while slumped on the sofa in her underwear.

The blonde wig she was wearing is off-center.

In another shot, Madge is seen topless facing a mirror as she changes into an outfit.

Three months after the shoot, fashion bible W Magazine published a 46-page spread of rather more flattering, touched-up photographs of the singer in its March 2009 edition.

I’m not too bummed about not finding the rest of the pics because frankly, I don’t want to get an eyeful of Madonna’s leathery old bat cave. If I’m staring down into the gaping maw of hell, it better be because it’s Judgement Day and the rapture is nigh, not because I voluntarily looked at pictures of an old person’s puss.

Kim Kardashian jumps on the Britney Spears and Jessica Simpson bandwagon and poses nude without any help from Photoshop in the May issue of Harper’s Bazaar. The NY Daily News says

“I think the message is embrace your curves and who you are,” Kardashian, 29, says [of the shoot]. “I feel proud if young girls look up to me and say, ‘I’m curvy, and I’m proud of it now.’”

Good for her. She really is a positive role model. She’s forging into new territory for all of womankind with this shoot. We’ve never seen her naked and sprawled out on the floor before. At least not without a black guy standing directly over her and urinating in the foreground. Way to break down those walls, Kim!

Joy Bryant also casting off the preconceived notions about unrealistic and idealized images of Western beauty in Harper’s Bazzaar (thumb 1), and Doutzen Kroes defining unrealistic and unattainable idealized Western beauty in Numero Tokyo magazine (the rest):

I don’t know what kind of illusion she thinks she’s shattering here (we all know that in real-life she looks like this) but Britney Spears has agreed to allow the unretouched images from her Candies shoot to be released alongside the digitally-altered ones that went to print. The Daily Mail says

Imperfections that can be clearly seen in the [above] un-airbrushed shot include blemishes on her calf [and] larger thighs. The airbrushed picture, however, tell a different story with a slimmed-down waist and flawless, skinny legs.

Meanwhile, in the un-airbrushed shot [below], she has areas of cellulite on the back of her thighs, a tattoo on her lower back (sometimes called a ‘tramp stamp’) is clearly visible and her backside is a little out of shape.

However, in the altered photo all of these imperfections have been wiped out – and she appears to have a pert rear, unrealistically smooth skin, slimmer legs and the tattoo has vanished.

Also noticeably absent? Her camel toe (I circled it in the before picture and drew an arrow to it in the after picture with my totally boss photoshopping skillz). I don’t know when it became a crime to have labia, but guilty as charged. You might as well have airbrushed out Cindy Crawford’s mole or Kelly Clarkson’s third chin. Selling her puss is all Britney Spears is really known for.

Ten more unretouched photos:

There’s something different about Madonna’s face in this pic on the left from last year’s W Magazine photo shoot. I can’t quite put my finger on it, but if I could, I bet it’d come back smelling like mustache wax and estrogen cream. Bitch looks like an old catcher’s mitt that somebody left out in the rain for six weeks.

See boyfriend Jesus’ wiener here.