Attention whore Kim Kardashian is all in a huff today, and not because someone made her take the stairs, either. It seems an article in Us Weekly listed her as “plus-sized” while referencing fast-fashion chain Forever 21’s new fat girl clothing line. Kim writes on her official blog:

I feel that this clipping from Us Magazine is a bit misleading, so I wanted to comment on it.

I am a huge fan of Forever 21 and I’m very happy they have expanded their line to include a plus-size range, but I am not in that size category and this article makes it sound like I am! I am a curvy girl and I love my curves, but curvy and plus-sized are two very different things. I work really hard to maintain my curves while staying slim and healthy, so to be classed as a “fuller-figured woman” of extra large proportions is a little offensive.

For the record, I am a size 2, not 2XL.

“Size 2″ my left nut. And I don’t even have a left nut. You know, since neither one ever actually descended and I was legally born a “girl.” My mom says it’s because God loved me so much, he couldn’t decide what to make me.

More like size 2wat:

It looks like Heather Locklear was set up the day of her DWI arrest — the woman who called 911 is a former Us Weekly staffer who was stalking the actress. According to TMZ

Jill Ishkanian, who allegedly hacked into Us Weekly’s computer system to locate celebs after she left the mag, was following Locklear. Ishkanian watched the actress go to a market. When Heather got in her car, Ishkanian called 911, even though the car wasn’t even moving at the time.

Now get this — sources say immediately after Ishkanian called 911, she called a paparazzi agency to give them the heads up Heather was about to be popped. TMZ obtained those photos, not knowing it was Ishkanian who set the ball in motion.

And it gets worse. Ishkanian apparently is the only witness who says Lockelear was driving erratically and that she was drunk, even though it’s already established she was not under the influence of alcohol.

Jesus Christ. The only way this story could get more ridiculous is if it involved a one-armed man and a former Toon hellbent on revenge.