MediaTakeOut got their hands on some pics that Kanye West’s D-list former girlfriend Amber Rose took of herself elbow-deep in her own puss (thumbs below) and then sent to some guy whose girlfriend found them and released them online. They’ve pixilated her lady bits, but you can still get the gist of the story: naked girl has hand, hand finds naked girl’s vagina, meaningful self-discovery ensues. It’s a tale as old as time itself, a story for the ages. I’m already working on a script.

Edited, but still NSFW:

I really thought JWoww would be the first of the Jersey Shore crew to “leak” nude photos of herself on the interwebs, but it looks like Sammi “Sweetheart” Giancola beat her to the punch. I can’t vouch for the authenticity of the pic, but far be it from me to let a photo of a D-list celebrity puss fall by the wayside just because I can’t confirm it’s real. Call it my commitment to excellence or my unwavering journalistic integrity. It just sounds so much better than “a cheap way to get page views.”

In L.A. and leaving the Wendy Williams show:

PHOTO CREDIT: Fame Pictures

Jennifer Lopez has taken ex-husband Ojani Noa and his agent back to court this week in an attempt to stop the release of newly discovered home videos of the singer “exposing her genitals in public” while on vacation in Cuba. Think (NSFW) Britney Spears, but with an eh-Spanish accent. Radar Online says:

“JLo is riding a scooter in public in Cuba, while talking to the camera and numerous by-standers, with her privates in plain view,” said Ed Meyer, a rep for Lopez’s ex-hubby.

The tape does not contain full-on sex, but is said to grant a revealing glimpse of the singer’s… vagina.

[He adds], “We [have uncovered four new] hours of home videos [since the first injunction]. In the videos, Lopez gives her full consent to Noa taping her.”

Come on now. It’s not like she was flashing the beav all over the continental U.S. She was airing out the goods in Cuba. Nothing within a 200 mile radius of Hispaniola technically even qualifies as “in public.” They still wear loincloths and worship goats and shit down there. I’m sure the locals were too busy screeching and scurrying away from the mystical soul-stealing light box to even notice her cooter was hanging out.

Being announced as a National Spokesperson for Boys & Girls Club of America in L.A. last week:

PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures

I see London, I see France,  Miley Cyrus apparently waxes for her shows. I know, that doesn’t even rhyme, but just work with me here. I’m a fill-in blogger, not a god damned poet. At Sunday’s MuchMuch Video Awards in Toronto, Miley almost showed Canada what an American Shaved Beaver looks like. Says Us Magazine,

Days after declaring “I’m not trying to be ‘slutty,’” Miley Cyrus turned heads Sunday at the MuchMusic Video Awards in Toronto by performing in a skin-baring black leotard, complete with black leather short shorts.

“I think that’s fine, she told UsMagazine.com of her outfit. “I just love performing. I definitely just feel most comfortable. I don’t take myself too seriously. We are up there just dressing up; we are just having fun. It’s about the girls and guys who are living their dream playing dress up. I don’t walk around in a bikini and bright red lipstick all the time. Cause that’s just who you are when you are performing and what goes into that song.”

Cyrus covered up slightly more for her next performance, hitting the stage in a white leotard to sing her new single “Can’t Be Tamed.” But Britain’s Daily Mail noted that the getup was “so tight, she nearly exposed a bit too much to those in the front row.

Cyrus (who won International Video Of The Year by an Artist for “Party in the U.S.A.”) has come under fire for not wearing a lot while she performs.

She stands by her outfits.

“I feel more comfortable dressing with a little less, which is just how I’ve always been…” she recently told The Associated Press. “Now I’m able to do that a little more freely and, also, I’ve just grown up to be this way too. It’s not like this was me five years ago. It’s me now, presently.

“When you’re 11, the word you would use to describe someone is definitely not sexy, and as you get older I think you grow into that,” the Hannah Montana star went on. “And I think I’ve done that but that’s not my schtick. That’s not what I’m trying to do to sell records. I want people to buy my record because of my music.”

Gee, I remember when “performing” meant that you didn’t need a million costume changes and lights and pyrotechnics and lip syncing and fog machines and vajay-jays hanging out and oh yeah, what was it–a good voice and crazier still–writing your own music to sell albums. Now it’s all smoke and mirrors to hide the fact that you’re a mediocre singer and on top of that, you look slightly speshul which is even creepier now that you’re dressing like a tramp and have your makeup gun set to “whore”.  And we can’t have Miley looking like a mentally disabled whore. The shame of masturbating to a retard almost outweighs the pleasure. Almost.

Costume changes, lights and industrial fans, oh my!

Faggot extraordinaire Perez Hilton posted a picture of a panty-less Miley Cyrus exposing her crotch as she stepped out of a car on his Twitter yesterday, saying:

“If you are easily offended, do NOT click here http://i46.tinypic.com/2zre4pv.jpg Oh, Miley! Warning: truly not for the easily offended!”

And by “the easily offended,” I assume he meant “the police,” because Miley Cyrus is only 17 years old, which would make pictures of her vagina very illegal under current child pornography laws. Except, upon further investigation, she actually IS wearing underpants. The dress she’s wearing is white, and you can totally see the outline of her knickers through the material (I took the liberty of circling it for you in the photos below). And just like that, the chance for Perez Hilton to spend the next six months in prison slips through the fingers of the American justice system like so many handfuls of Astroglide. I guess we’ll have to settle for him living inside the prison that is his own heart, just like the retard in “Sling Blade.”

Being the demure flower that she is, Ice-T’s wife Coco posted a picture of herself getting her muff waxed on Twitter yesterday (it has since been removed), with nothing but a thin little strip of gauze to protect her modesty. Now, it’d be a different story if they were waxing ass crack in this pic. That little strip of gauze wouldn’t cut it. You’d need a whole goddamn ream of fly paper and a couple of rolls of painter’s tape, maybe a caulking gun and 25 square feet of ace bandages. Just one more reason to be glad you’re not a Korean immigrant.

I posted a link about the “So You Think You Can Dance” vagina flasher in the quickies today, but TMZ only had the one disappointingly censored picture of Contestant #22036′s crotch. There’s where I step in with a full sixteen seconds of slow motion audition video of what may or may not be a black person, possibly a Pacific Islander, flashing the judges as she wallows in the floor. Granted, she could just be wearing a brown thong or cursed with the kind of booty fat that hangs down low and gives the appearance of being labial in nature. I don’t know. I’ve watched it three times now and I still don’t see it. But that doesn’t mean that I won’t keep trying! That’s just my strong work ethic for you.

If you’ve ever wondered what Paris Hilton’s vagina would look like if it were vacuum-sealed in spandex, here you go. I’m kinda surprised, honestly. I was expecting the faint outline of teeth or tentacles or what could pass for one of the Squidbillies in a leglock, but it just looks like your standard boring vagina. I’d be lying if I said wasn’t a little disappointed.

Naomi Campbell did her best Britney Spears impression as she danced it up underpants-less in a St. Tropez nightclub with boyfriend Vladimir Doronin, flashing her snatch for all the waiting paparazzi to see. Although I can’t say for sure that’s her vagina. It could be a charcoal briquette next to a piece of bacon fat or maybe just part of her left teste. Only Naomi’s gynecologist knows for sure!

Most of these (including the super closeups I made just for you) are NSFW:

PHOTO SOURCE: Bauer-Griffin

Some posts need no explanation at all. Some posts seem to just fall out of the sky and land gently in your lap like a magical gift from heaven. This is one of those posts, boys and girls. Shh… let’s not spoil it with words. Let’s just look deeply into each others’ eyes and say a silent prayer of gratitude while simultaneously going for our zippers. It’s what Jesus would want us to do.

Miranda Kerr on the runway at the David Jones show yesterday:

Everything today is all “Michael Jackson” this and “King of Pop” that, so for a change of pace, please enjoy these pictures of Khloe Kardashian’s camel toe. Funny, I always thought Bigfoot would have a dick. I guess you learn something new every day!

Clearly in her second trimester leaving Katsuya in Hollywood:

Another naked Cassie photo found its way online last night, this one far more graphic and explicit than the first two. Let’s just say you’ll know without a shadow of a doubt that Cassie is a female after viewing this photo. There’s absolutely nothing left to the imagination. In fact, I’m pretty sure the only thing you can’t see in this photo is the inside of her uterus, but I just might not have been squinting hard enough.

Click the header image for the monstrously NSFW picture of Cassie’s lady bits.