I posted a link about the “So You Think You Can Dance” vagina flasher in the quickies today, but TMZ only had the one disappointingly censored picture of Contestant #22036’s crotch. There’s where I step in with a full sixteen seconds of slow motion audition video of what may or may not be a black person, possibly a Pacific Islander, flashing the judges as she wallows in the floor. Granted, she could just be wearing a brown thong or cursed with the kind of booty fat that hangs down low and gives the appearance of being labial in nature. I don’t know. I’ve watched it three times now and I still don’t see it. But that doesn’t mean that I won’t keep trying! That’s just my strong work ethic for you.

If you’ve ever wondered what Paris Hilton’s vagina would look like if it were vacuum-sealed in spandex, here you go. I’m kinda surprised, honestly. I was expecting the faint outline of teeth or tentacles or what could pass for one of the Squidbillies in a leglock, but it just looks like your standard boring vagina. I’d be lying if I said wasn’t a little disappointed.

Naomi Campbell did her best Britney Spears impression as she danced it up underpants-less in a St. Tropez nightclub with boyfriend Vladimir Doronin, flashing her snatch for all the waiting paparazzi to see. Although I can’t say for sure that’s her vagina. It could be a charcoal briquette next to a piece of bacon fat or maybe just part of her left teste. Only Naomi’s gynecologist knows for sure!

Most of these (including the super closeups I made just for you) are NSFW:

PHOTO SOURCE: Bauer-Griffin

Some posts need no explanation at all. Some posts seem to just fall out of the sky and land gently in your lap like a magical gift from heaven. This is one of those posts, boys and girls. Shh… let’s not spoil it with words. Let’s just look deeply into each others’ eyes and say a silent prayer of gratitude while simultaneously going for our zippers. It’s what Jesus would want us to do.

Miranda Kerr on the runway at the David Jones show yesterday:

Everything today is all “Michael Jackson” this and “King of Pop” that, so for a change of pace, please enjoy these pictures of Khloe Kardashian’s camel toe. Funny, I always thought Bigfoot would have a dick. I guess you learn something new every day!

Clearly in her second trimester leaving Katsuya in Hollywood:

Another naked Cassie photo found its way online last night, this one far more graphic and explicit than the first two. Let’s just say you’ll know without a shadow of a doubt that Cassie is a female after viewing this photo. There’s absolutely nothing left to the imagination. In fact, I’m pretty sure the only thing you can’t see in this photo is the inside of her uterus, but I just might not have been squinting hard enough.

Click the header image for the monstrously NSFW picture of Cassie’s lady bits.

If the giant adam’s apple hadn’t already convinced you that Nicolette Sheridan is really a tranny, that half of a scrotum bulging out of her panties oughta pretty much seal the deal.

Leaving Mr. Chow with David Spade:

PHOTO CREDIT: Mavrix Online

Welcome to Hog Heaven! Tonight’s special is the grilled-to-perfection Cave Bacon and Beef Curtain Wrap (click header image for closeup), served with a heaping side of Hepatitis C. For only a dollar more, smother your Cave Bacon and Beef Curtain Wrap with aging rocker dick cheese (your choice Kid Rock or Tommy Lee)! Face spooge not included. Price and participation may vary. See your server for details.

Pamela Anderson and her nasty beav at the opening of Hans Klok’s Amsterdam show on Friday: