Jennifer Love Hewitt went for the fancy on Valentine’s Day with a trip to Taco Bell. Nothing says “viva la romance” like cheap Mexican food and fiery taco diarrhea. At least that’s what I learned from the boys growing up in the Belle Air Trailer Park.

Lady Gaga, because she is a weird freak of nature, had her Valentine’s Day breakfast in a barn. Yeah, you heard me right. Digital Spy has the story:

Lady GaGa reportedly celebrated Valentine’s Day by sharing a champagne breakfast with her boyfriend Matthew Williams in a Yorkshire barn.

The ‘Poker Face’ singer, who was rehearsing at the Litestructures Studios in South Kirkby, allegedly asked her record label to arrange the unusual request.

Local farmer Howard Baines revealed that he received a call from her management to view an outhouse at his Crofton farm.

“Next minute I get the call and within an hour Lady GaGa’s entourage turned up to check the place out, and they said it was just what they wanted,” he told Real Radio.

“Sure enough, the following morning a blacked-out van pulled up. I couldn’t believe it. They went into the barn and sat and had their champagne breakfast.

“I only saw Lady GaGa from a distance. She was wearing a leather jacket, sunglasses, leggings and boots. It was so surreal, it’s not every day a superstar pops in for breakfast!”

Lady Gaga is definitely not what you’d call normal. I mean, she goes around looking like she fell into a schizophrenic drag queen’s costume closet, so I guess for someone like her, inhaling the odor of animal shit and mildewing hay while you eat could be something of an aphrodisiac. Maybe it gave her a feeling of coming home. She does have of a bit of an equine aura about her.

Tom Cruise and counterpart Katie Holmes treated Suri (oh yeah and Connor too–but who cares about him, right?) to a magical Valentine’s Day at Walt Disney World. It’s always great fun to escape one fanciful reality for another one, I always say. Disneyland will do for the Cruises until Xenuland is done. There’ll be all sorts of out-of-this-world attractions, like the Body Thetan Blaster, where you can blast those pesky clustering alien spirits, the Audacious Auditor, where your head is harnessed up to a helmet and then blasted with 50,000 volts (it’s a LOT more fun than it sounds) and simultaneously poked with a cattle prod up your rectum, and don’t let’s forget about the hourly showings of the Space Opera, where you can see for yourself just how thetans got trapped in a meat body! Regular amusement park fare will be served, along with more exotic delicacies, like deep-fried placenta on a stick! Mmm, I can smell it now!

The Times is reporting that Salma Hayek allegedly married on Saturday in Paris:

Mexican-born actress Salma Hayek has married French businessman Francois-Henri Pinault, reports the online edition of the weekly Le Point reported.

According to the report, the 42-year old Hayek, who is a naturalised US citizen, and Pinault, 46, were married on Valentines Day in the city hall of the Sixth Arrondissement in central Paris.

The news, if confirmed, comes as something of a surprise, because the star of the films Frida and Bandidas and Pinault had announced the end of their engagement in July last year.

On September 21, 2007, while engaged to Pinault, Hayek gave birth to her first child, Valentina Paloma Pinault, in Los Angeles.

Pinault is CEO of the luxury giant PPR and the son of one of France’s richest men, Francois Pinault, whose fortune has been estimated at $16.9 billion by the 2008 Forbes List of Billionaires. He also owns the publication Le Point, which broke the story

I’d love to get video footage of those two fighting. You’d have Salma shrieking away in Spanish, possibly throwing bric-a-brac at Pinault’s follicly-challenged head, and him cursing at her in French, hand on hip and gesticulating into the air with the other hand.
Now, if love can’t conquer all the turmoil their relationship has been through, then there’s two things that has been proven time and time again to do the trick: a fabulous rack and big bucks! Viva la romance!

Looking like a naughty schoolmarm at the ‘One Pack = One Vaccine’ campaign: