In some kind of ass-backwards attempt to convince us that Robert Pattinson isn’t smelly and disgusting, Bryce Dallas Howard told New York Magazine that his teeth are so brittle and rotten that they fall apart when string touches them.  From E!:

Apparently, using dental floss can be dangerous. Just ask Robert Pattinson.

The Twilight hunk supposedly chipped his tooth making sure he had healthy gums and could properly deny reports of being stinky, according to Eclipse costar Bryce Dallas Howard.

“Actually, he’s incredibly hygienic,” the actress told New York magazine at the premiere of her latest film, The Loss of a Teardrop Diamond. “He told me this story that made me crack up. He was like, ‘Oh, I have to go to the dentist.’ And I was like, ‘Oh no, what happened? Just a checkup?’ And he was like, ‘No, I chipped a tooth.’ And I was like, ‘How?’ And he was like, ‘Flossing.’ ”

Before she could be handed an award for storytelling, she admitted, “I don’t even floss. So he’s hygienic. Trust me.”

Um… whatever, crazy lady.  Normal people’s teeth don’t fall apart during flossing, so I’m still pretty secure in my belief that Robert Pattinson is gross.  Also, it’s pretty gross that Bryce Dallas Howard doesn’t floss.  Is there anyone from the cast of Twilight who isn’t gross?  Jesus, it’s like everyone who gets within a square mile of that franchise just gives up on life and starts behaving like a vagrant.

Lindsay Lohan posted these pictures of herself wearing vampire teeth on Twitter, presumably to land a role on “True Blood” or one of those shitty Twilight movies and prove she’s still culturally relevant. Well, she’s already got the sucking part down, if you know what I mean! Get it? Lindsay Lohan? Sucking? Ha ha! Look, it’s the day after Labor Day. I’ve already thrown up three times and it feels like every sound I hear is being relayed through a tuning fork jammed inside my brain. At this point, you’re lucky there’s even words on the page. And don’t think that’s some kind of promise, either.

Looking like death warmed over at a nightclub and airport in L.A.:

PHOTO SOURCE: Pacific Coast News, Bauer-Griffin