If you watched the Kids Teen Choice Awards last night, you’re either 1) in middle school; 2) gay; or 3) gay and in middle school. But that’s not the point here. The point is, even if you did watch the show, this little clip of Dane Cook telling Vanessa Hudgens, “Girl, you gots to keep yo clothes on! Phones are for phone calls, girl!” was noticeably absent. That’s because Fox cut it from the broadcast, which was actually filmed Sunday night. But thanks to the power of the internet, you still get to see Vanessa Hudgens’ stupid face when he calls her out for those topless pics in front of an entire theater audience of her peers. Interestingly, this marks the first time in my life that I’ve watched anything starring Dane Cook for more than 0.03 seconds. It has to be one for the books, people!
UPDATE: I mistakenly wrote “Kids Choice Awards” instead of “Teen Choice Awards.” To those of you who noticed and sent me outraged indecipherable text speak emails: you’re fags. Duly noted.
Naked and topless pictures of Vanessa Hudgens were once again mysteriously leaked on to the internet today. All things considered, another nude photo scandal is probably a hell of a lot better for her career than starring in “Bandslam.” Seriously, if diarrhea could be transposed into celluloid, they’d call it “Bandslam.” I think it’s safe to say that we’d all rather see barely legal boobies than that piece of shit.
Vanessa Hudgens arrived at the ‘Watchmen’ premiere in Hollywood yesterday without any pants on, but clearly Zac Efron isn’t concerned with all that. He’s too busy wondering why his stylist didn’t give him a musket to go with that two-sizes too small Confederate uniform jacket. And don’t even get him started on that hat. Really, is it too much to ask for a little accessory continuity, people?
Now that we’ve got the best-dressed out of the way, let’s go in for the kill: The 81st Annual Academy Awards Worst-Dressed List. Starting with Beyonce, above. I’ve heard the expression “walking like you’ve got a corn cob up your ass,” but this is ridiculous. I wouldn’t be surprised to learn there was a damn Volkswagen wedged into her pooper.
It’s gotta be a real blow to the ol’ manhood when you realize your girlfriend has more of a five o’clock shadow than you ever will. At least Zac Efron can take comfort in the fact his vagina will always be bigger.
Zac and “girlfriend”/werewolf Vanessa Hudgens promoting HSM 3 in Japan:
Here is Zac Efron doing his best “Really, I’m Not Gay” by motorboating “girlfriend” Vanessa Hudgens for the camera. It sure looks heterosexual, but let’s remember it’s Zac Efron we’re talking about here. You could just as easily pretend that Vanessa’s rack was some beefy dude’s ass crack and the salt water running down her chest was his butt sweat. It’s called the “gift of imagination,” and it’s totally free. Unlike cable.
Disney’s latest whore-in-training Vanessa Hudgens apparently has a Christmas-themed sex tape floating around. Christmas, because Hanukkah and Ramadan are so clichéd. London’s The Sun says
Reportedly the beauty… is sitting underneath a Christmas tree wearing nothing but a Santa hat and a red thong. She says to the camera: “I’ve been a good girl this year.” Then boyfriend Zac Efron appears before nature takes its course.
According to all the Metamucil commercials I’ve seen, “nature takes its course” means “you take a big dump.” So I don’t know what kind of perverse Christmas-themed “Two Girls, One Cup” business Vanessa’s got going on, but I’ll have no part of it, thank you very much. Unless, of course, “nature takes its course” is just code for “Zac sashays in in peep-toe pumps and a rhinestone bustier lip-syncing ‘I’m Your Venus’ on a bearskin rug.” ‘Cause if that’s the case, I’ll take two, please.
In a pre-taped segment on the Tyra Banks show yesterday (from before her naked pictures were splashed all over the net), “High School Musical” slut Vanessa Hudgens offered her opinion on tabloid mainstays Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan. Stick around ’till the 50 second mark to hear her say, “Um… I honestly just think it’s stupid. I mean it’s easy to stay out of those situations. But yeah, I think it’s easy to stay out of those situations. You just have to smart about your decisions.” Smart like a retarded chicken, I guess. Pretty big talk for a girl with such an ample bush and a penchant for photography. Now, is that “irony” or “comeuppance,” exactly? I don’t quite know. Maybe there’s a better term for “getting punched in the face by karma,” but I couldn’t find it in my thesaurus.
They’re real, baby! Nude photos of High School Musical star Vanessa Hudgens that have been floating around the internet have been confirmed as authentic. TMZ Reports:
In a statement to TMZ, Hudgens’ rep says, “This was a photo which was taken privately. It is a personal matter and it is unfortunate that this has become public.” The National Enquirer was the first to report of the photo’s existence, and it has since surfaced on various blogs across the net.
To anyone who knew anything of Vanessa Hudgens’ career, or had any interest in Vanessa Hudgens whatsoever — now would be a good time to bid her adieu. She’s got the Walt Disney “Mark of Death” on her now, and may God hath mercy on her soul. All I can say is, it’s gonna make what Barbara Walters did to Star Jones look like a damn cake walk. Bitch fucked with Disney — what’s in store for her is more along the lines of Jimmy Hoffa, or that guy from Fargo.
If you haven’t already bludgeoned your corneas with it already, the NSFW shot after the jump, in addition to others.
Update: No more NSFW shot — as I don’t fancy being arrested or sued.
