Tom Cruise’s upgrade from Model 487A “Soccer Mom Short” to model 860X “Joey Potter Revisited” at the Japanese premiere of “Valkyrie” didn’t come cheap. Apparently, it takes sixty thousand dollars to get a robot wife as realistic-looking as Katie Holmes. The Daily Mail says

It took six hours to have long hair extensions put in, which came with a [$4,000] price tag. She also apparently spent [$14,000] in spa treatments, [$40,000] in dental veneers and further [$2,000] for premium make-up.

And one observer [said], ‘She didn’t have a wrinkle on her face, her hair was perfect, and she had the body of a supermodel.

You know, if Tom could have scrounged up just $18,000 more, he could have gotten the model he really wanted. The X2000 with the penis and scrotum attachment and the vibrating kung fu grip. I guess even Hollywood isn’t immune to this economy.

Leaving Cristoni Restaurant in Beverly Hills with her old hair and lots o’ leg:

Katie Holmes was photographed leaving her New York apartment a few days ago with a set of snagglers that rivaled Kirsten Dunst’s. God damn. What happened to her lovely Hollywood smile? Did she fall gums-first into a pile of broken tile? Maybe lose a fight with a chipping wedge or a power sander? First the hair, and now this. Being married to Tom Cruise must be like being married to a damn Nazgûl. Only with more maniacal laughing and obligatory butt sex.