Tiny actor Verne Troyer is suing his ex-girlfriend and sex tape co-star Ranae Shrider for allegedly beating his ass throughout the course of their relationship. TMZ reports

In the lawsuit, Troyer is accusing Shrider of intentional infliction of emotional distress and battery. Verne’s lawyer [says], “When you pick up a 2′8″ human being and throw him to the floor, it hurts.” Troyer says [Shrider] terrorized him, once picked the lock to his bedroom door, pushing away a 100 pound scooter that was used to block the door, and then [threw] him to the floor.”

This sounds like something you might pay to see after taking in a donkey show and two liters of Dos Equis while on Spring Break in Tijuana. Full-contact midget wrestling followed by tongue-sucking midget porn. Gross. I don’t know whether I want to laugh or throw up. Or throw up while I’m laughing, which is really a lot harder than it sounds. Fortunately, I had plenty of practice on my wedding night.

Because the power of Christ compels me: Mini-Me has a sex tape. TMZ says

Yes, that’s Mini-Me Verne Troyer in a sex tape shot with his former live-in girlfriend at the couple’s apartment. Dealer Kevin Blatt, who brokered the deal for Paris’ video, is entertaining a $100k offer from SugarDVD to distribute the nastiness.

Even Caligula and the donkey in the Tiajuana sex show would have been sickened by this. It’s one of those things you can’t un-see once you’ve seen it, like Two Girls, One Cup or Episode I: The Phantom Menace.