Mad Men’s January Jones demonstrates the best way to carry a designer handbag — stark naked and staring soulfully into space. But don’t try it on the subway unless you want a face full of pepper spray.

The 82nd Annual Academy Awards were last night, and other than The Dude winning for “Crazy Heart” and “Avatar” getting rightfully snubbed (“unobtainium,” anyone?), it was a completely forgettable affair. I remember some big fat black chick winning for something, and then she somehow turned into an even bigger, fatter, blacker chick by the end of the night, for which I have no explanation other than James Cameron and possibly peyote.

But the one thing I do remember are the dresses, and while there were plenty of disappointments, a few stars really stood out this time. Kate Winslet, for one. And her dress wasn’t even that spectacular, but paired with the jewelery and the hair and the makeup… I don’t know… she just looked perfect. Versace did Demi Moore and Elizabeth Banks proud, and as much as it pains me to say it, I thought Kristen Stewart’s dress was fantastic. I’ll save the rest of my vitriol and condescension for the worst-dressed, coming up next. Stay tuned!

If you care about this sort of thing, a list of the night’s winners here.

Kate Winslet in Yves St. Laurent and $2.5 million Tiffany jewels:

Elizabeth Banks in Versace:

Demi Moore in Versace:

PHOTO SOURCE: Bauer Griffin Online

The rest of the best after the jump.

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