Kylie Bisutti beat more than 10,000 hopefuls when she won the Victoria’s Secret Model Search two years ago, but she has since abandoned the company because she felt Jesus didn’t want her modeling lingerie. She said in an interview (via the Daily Mail):
“I just started becoming more uncomfortable with [modeling lingerie] because of my faith… my body should only be for my husband and it’s just a sacred thing.
I didn’t really want to be that kind of role model… I had a lot of younger Christian girls that were looking up to me and then thinking that it was okay for them to walk around and show their bodies in lingerie to guys.”
I personally think she’s rejecting her God-given talents, because breasts like those could certainly convince me to give religion another try. Hell, “Jesus Christ” were the first words outta my mouth when I saw this picture of her in a bikini.
In Maxim before her convictions ruined everything:
Kris Humphries and his attorneys are claiming the above clip of Kim Kardashian professing her marital woes to mother Kris Jenner — which aired in a episode of “Kourtney and Kim Take New York” last month — was actually filmed on a soundstage in back December, meaning he now wants an annulment on the grounds that his entire marriage was clearly a big scripted lie. The Daily Mail says:
The scene was presented as having taken place two months before during a business trip the mother and daughter duo took to Dubai in October – just weeks before Kim filed for divorce after 72 days of marriage.
Kim and her mother Kris were spotted leaving a Hollywood TV studio on December 6 with the 31-year-old socialite wearing the same outfit and hairstyle as she does in the scene.
Her mother Kris was photographed following her daughter out of the studio, with an assistant carrying the purple kaftan-style dress she wears in the scene, shot in the back of a limo.
A source [said]: ‘Kris feels that if this is true and the whole conversation was faked, this would help prove that he got married under fraudulent circumstances… yes, this did occur after the marriage, but this is one clear example that could help sway the judge to grant the divorce on the grounds of fraud.’
I tried to get a marriage annulled once, but it turns out “tuck-and-hide” isn’t actually considered fraud under Tennessee state law. But don’t worry — I’m already in the preliminary stages of drafting my own bill to change all that. If we all step up and make our voices heard, together we can make a difference.
I was already drunk before Super Bowl XLVI even started, so I don’t remember much about Madonna’s much-ballyhooed half-time show, except that her new song with Nicki Minaj sucked and that she needed help doing cartwheels. Take three hits of acid, put Sally O’Malley in a blond wig with gospel choir and a couple of dudes with afros fighting off gladiators and you’ve pretty much seen the whole thing. Except way better.
Christina Aguilera either started her period halfway through her way through her performance at Etta James’ funeral yesterday, or the combination of the 20 extra pounds and the two-sizes too small suit made her sweat off some of that self-tanner. Either way, it’s still disgusting. And as for her performance, if you ever wondered what it would look like for someone to literally shit a brick, just watch her straining and squatting and grimacing for the next four minutes. You’ll learn more about what it looks like to shit a brick than you ever wanted to know.
If you didn’t catch her wincingly awful performance on SNL last weekend, Lana del Rey is the latest thing to be shat out of a music industry attempting to capitalize on the success of Amy Winehouse and “Mad Men.” But this “gangster Nancy Sinatra,” as she’s calling herself — no, really — is actually one failed pop starLizzy Grant, before the nose job and lip injections and the Miss Clairol hair. Calling her a hipster fraud would be giving her entirely too much credit.
You can watch her newest video “Born to Die” after the jump, and while you’re at it, might I also suggest you do a couple of bong hits and re-watch her Saturday Night Live performance? I find it’s extra hilarious when you’re high:
Jim Carrey’s daughter from his first marriage made it past the first round of auditions on last night’s “American Idol.” You can definitely see the family resemblance, but Jane’s no chip off the ol’ block, I can tell you that much. She didn’t bend over and sing out of her assonce. Seriously, WTF?
FF to the 2:30 mark to see Jane’s audition if you hate watching American Idol as much as I do; pics of Jim and Jane below:
“Thirty Rock’s” Tracy Morgan was rushed to a hospital last night after delivering an incoherent acceptance speech and promptly passing out at the Sundance Film Festival. TMZ says:
Tracy was being honored at the Creative Coalition Spotlight Awards in Park City, Utah — and sources [say] he appeared extremely intoxicated during his award acceptance speech.
Tracy was escorted out of the building soon after his speech and fell unconscious outside the building.
But as unlikely as it sounds, it turns out he wasn’t drunk, but suffering from “altitude sickness.” No, seriously. TMZ says:
A spokeswoman for Park City Medical Center [said] no drugs or alcohol were found in Tracy’s system upon medical evaluation.
Morgan’s rep also released a statement saying, “From a combination of exhaustion and altitude, Tracy [sought] medical attention. Any reports of Tracy consuming alcohol are 100% false.”
We don’t know what happened, so I can only speculate, but I have a feeling his black out was triggered by Steven Tyler’s rendition of “The Star-Spangled Banner” at last night’s AFC championship game. The timing just adds up too perfectly for it to have been a coincidence.
When I watched Nicki Minaj’s “Stupid Hoe” video for the first time, I experienced the same sort of dissociative schism that victims of violent crime experience. My sense of artistic appreciation felt like it was just thrown on top of a barroom pinball machine and gang-raped. I don’t know that I’ll ever be the same. Also, I’m pretty sure I’m an epileptic now.
EDITOR’S NOTE: “Stupid Hoe” could also the title of her autobiography. And on her vanity plates.
Two-day old Blue Ivy Carter’s cries are featured on Jay-Z’s latest track “Glory,” which he posted on his website Life + Times this afternoon. Sadly, it’s all downhill after the crying baby. Us Magazine says:
The track was produced by Pharrell and credits little Blue as “B.I.C.”
The rapper is at his most emotional, rapping: “The most amazing feeling I feel, words can’t describe what I’m feeling for real / Baby, I paint the sky blue, my greatest creation was you.”
Referencing first-time mom Beyonce’s musical past, the hip hop star adds: “You’re the child of destiny / you’re the child of my destiny / you’re my child with the child from Destiny’s Child.”
The notoriously private star even reveals that he and Beyonce, 30, conceived the baby in Paris, and opens up about a miscarriage in the past.
“Last time the miscarriage was tragic / We was afraid you’d disappear but nah baby you’re magic.”
So Jay-Z is rapping about ovulation and blue skies and shit now. WTF. Beyonce’s like the fucking black Yoko Ono.
If my Christmas wish were that Courtney Stodden get uterine cancer, would karma dictate that I also get uterine cancer, or would I secretly get a high five from Jesus?
After all the hullabaloo and brewhaha (yes, people say “hullabaloo” and “brewhaha”) surrounding Alec Baldwin’s unceremonious removal from an American Airlines flight last week, the Thirty Rock actor decided to make an appearance on this weekend’s Saturday Night Live to issue a public apology… to himself… as Captain Steve Rogers, the pilot of the flight he delayed because he refused to turn off his damn phone before takeoff. After apologizing to himself profusely, he actually says at one point, “Alec Baldwin is an American treasure,” which would have been hilariously tongue-in-cheek had I not thought he honestly believed every fucking word he was saying.
Teenage bride Courtney Stodden took the the streets of Los Angeles in a skimpy bikini and faux fur coat, not because that’s not far off from her usual attire, but because she was filming a video for Funny or Die. She appeared in her normal frosted makeup palette, but what was really eye-catching was the gel insert stuffed into her bikini top. But seriously, what the fuck is going on with her nether regions? Those are some long roast beef curtains. I think we discovered where Joe Camel has been hiding all these years.
