Here’s one that you may find hard to swallow (ha ha): Nadya “Octomom” Suleman is now open to doing porn–but with no touching. Yeah, I don’t know how that one works either. Says Daily News,

She’ll look, but won’t touch.

That’s the latest pledge Octomom Nadya Suleman is giving should she ever appear in a porn — reversing previous promises she’d never do a skin flick to financially support her 14 children.

“You know if the opportunity comes up, I’ll be the first to admit, I’m gonna eat my words because all that matters is that I can take care of my family,” she said Monday on HLN’s “Showbiz Tonight.”

But while she’s no longer swearing off X-rated films, she told HLN she “would not kiss somebody. I wouldn’t touch somebody.”

“I have had to make some very difficult decisions the year, and filing Chapter 7 was one of them,” Suleman said in a statement. “But I have to do what is best for my children and I need a fresh start.”

Earlier this month, she said on NBC’s “Today” show that she wouldn’t do porn. This was after she posed topless — with her arm across her chest — for a British magazine for a reported $8,000.

“I’m not going to allow my kids to be homeless. I’m terrified,” she said in a video justifying the spread.

But she also admitted to receiving $2,000 a month from the state of California, reneging on a prior declaration that she would never go on welfare.

It’s unclear whether Suleman will take up an offer that Vivid Entertainment honcho Steve Hirsch reportedly made in March, saying he’d pay $100,000 if she stars in three hardcore sex scenes. It’s a far lower price than the $1 million offer he dangled to her in 2009.

Put Octomom in a porn (Octopussy, anyone?) and you’re sure to see bodily fluids shooting left and right and long, hard poles. Of course, the bodily fluids will be projectile vomiting and the poles will literally be 10-foot poles, because I don’t see how anyone would want to get near that clown car uterus.

Bar Refaeli in screen caps for a commercial for her Under.Me lingerie line, as a peace offering:

In a culture where skanky behavior equals fame, Montana Fishburne, 19-year-old daughter of Laurence Fishburne, has decided to forgo hard work and is going to lie on her back (and every other position) instead. Says the Daily News,

Rather than submit an acting reel or attend auditions, young Montana Fishburne plans to use a sex tape to increase her profile and give her a foothold in the film industry.

According to a press release, Vivid Entertainment, which also distributed Kendra Wilkinson and Kim Kardashian’s sex tape, will handle the release of Montana Fishburne’s self-titled video, which is due out August 18th.

She said she was inspired by Kim Kardashian, who shot to instant fame after her own sex tape was made public several years ago.

“I’ve watched how successful Kim Kardashian became and I think a lot of it was due to the release of her sex tape by Vivid,” Fishburne said in the press release.” I’m hoping the same magic will work for me. I’m impatient about getting well-known and having more opportunities and this seemed like a great way to get started on it.”

“Montana made up her mind to make this DVD before we met her,” Vivid co-founder/chairman Steven Hirsch said. “She grew up in the entertainment business and was well aware of our company. In looking at the careers of many current leading female personalities, she saw a path to success and hopes to follow it.”

A YouTube interview of Montana Fishburne with adult actor Brian Pumper, one of her new co-stars, has been making Internet rounds.

“The scene was fun. It was sexy,” Pumper said of their work together. “She performed well.”

“It’s a step in a direction,” Montana Fishburne added of her motives for joining “the industry.”

*Sigh* The really fucked up part about it, is she’s right. Why bother with going to school and doing auditions and working towards something when you can just have sex on film? It worked for Paris Hilton, Kim Kardashian, and who knows how many other useless twats who are famous for nothing but having wonky-eyed sex and getting peed on. I’ll have to comfort myself in the fact that none of them have any staying power or real careers to speak of. They’ll be replaced by other up-and-coming fame whores like Montana here.

Brian Pumper going on and on about “cream” and “pussy juice” and how she performed and how  you can’t tell it’s the bitch’s first time (language NSFW).:

Good morning kiddies, it’s Sonya today. Let’s play a word association game, okay? What do you think of when you hear the name John Mayer? Singer/songwriter? Ladies’ man? Giant man-puss? White supremacist dick? Pubes-face? Sometime in the near future, you may think, porn director. Says Digital Spy,

John Mayer has reportedly been approached to direct a porn film.

The Battle Studies singer is believed to have been offered a role shooting one of Vivid Entertainment’s upcoming X-rated titles after the 32-year-old said that it is his “dream” to shoot an erotic movie.

According to Contactmusic, the company’s founder Steven Hirsh sent Mayer a letter that read: “We believe your incredible talent and passion, which have touched so many, can translate into a highly erotic adult film. Your understanding of the dynamics of relationships would undoubtedly appeal to both men and women.

“I think that together we can create a highly unique breakthrough film that will appeal to your millions of fans. Please call me at your convenience so we can discuss our working together. We’re all enthusiastic about hearing about your vision.”

What he’s really saying is, “You’re a giant pussy and we’re hoping you can think of some really sappy sentimental elements to squeeze in there in between the polydactyl midgets and Mexican jumping bean buttplugs that will hopefully get us more female viewership.” Tell it like it is, I always say.

OctoMom Nadya Suleman’s penchant for having multiple people inside of her at once has sparked the interest of a hardcore porn company. According to TMZ

Major porn distributor Vivid Entertainment has just [offered Suleman] 1 million bucks to star in a skin flick of her own. Vivid [says] they’ll give her family full medical and dental insurance if she becomes a “contract girl”… meaning she’ll have to do multiple videos.

No word if Octo will take them up on the offer.

Too bad James Bond owns the rights to “Octopussy,” because that would be the best name ever for a Nadya Suleman porno. Hmmm… what about “Womb Raider,” then? “Mommy Ock Chockfull of Cock?” Ugh, I don’t know why I’m even trying. You’d probably have better luck making “There Was an Old Woman Who Lived in a Shoe” sound sexy.

With six of her fourteen children at a local park: