Lady Gaga posed in Japanese Vogue (cover here; pics here) back in June, but a whole lot of nude and topless outtakes from the shoot have just now surfaced that Vogue decided not to put in the issue. All you have to do is click the header and you’ll instantly know why.

Katie Holmes does the leather ‘n lace thing for the August issue of Vogue Espana, and supposedly, this is a side of Katie we’ve never seen before. Until now, it’s only been hanging in the back of Tom Cruise’s closet.

46-year-old Sarah Jessica Parker poses with her two-year-old twin daughters Marion and Tabitha, son James Wilkie, and even husband Matthew Broderick in a Mario Testino photo shoot for next month’s Vogue magazine. Just to be clear, Sarah Jessica’s the one on the left in the above photo, not the one drinking out of the bowl the little girl is holding on the right. You’d think the editors at Vogue would know better than to put two horses in the same shot.

Kristen Stewart made sure to loudly bitch and moan about the inconvenience stardom affords in next month’s issue of Vogue magazine. Radar Online says:

“There’s no way to eloquently put this,” Stewart, who plays Bella Swan in the smash hit Twilight series, told the magazine. “I just can’t go to the mall.”

“It bothers me that I can’t be outside very often — and also to not ever be just ‘some girl’ again,” the 20-year-old beauty said. “Just being some chick at some place… that’s gone.”

I’m barely even gonna talk about how fugly they made her look because her comment pissed me off so much. It’s not like the culture of celebrity is some enigma shrouded in mystery and secretness. It’s right there at then end of every goddamn supermarket checkout stand and every Ryan Seacrest/Mary Hart piece of shit on the television. If being famous is such a terrible burden, there’s always the Kurt Cobain route. Nobody’s stopping you, Kristen!

Doing her best Napoleon Dynamite mouth:

For just pennies a day, you can make sure children like Keira have shoes, clean water, and a chance to go to school. Please, won’t you call today?

In Christian Children’s Fund pamphlet Vogue Italia:

Don’t know who Daria Werbowy is? She was Forbes’ ninth highest-earning model in the world, right behind Alessandra Ambrosio and Adriana Lima. She’s been the face of Lancôme, Prada, Versace, Louis Vuitton and Chanel. And now she’s completely naked in her new calendar for Vogue. For more information, you can visit her fansite here, or you can neatly place your testicles in your file cabinet drawer and slam it shut three or four times, because BOOBS, man! What are you, gay?

Angelina Jolie really opens up about her children and her relationship with live-in baby daddy Brad Pitt in the December issue of Vogue Magazine — including her biological daughter’s penchant for collecting dead animals. Us Magazine says:

[Jolie says] four-year-old Shiloh recently discovered a dead bird.

“She came in and said, ‘Can I have a dead pet?’” Jolie recalls. “And I’m… ‘Uh-uh, I don’t think it’s healthy, honey. I think they have to put him in a box,’ and I had to run out to find, like, a taxidermy bird. I just worked it out for her.”

Jolie said Shiloh is “hilarious.”

I agree. Wanting to keep dead animals as pets is 100% hilarious. Not weird or creepy at all. In a less disturbing revelation, Angelina says:

“Pax is a better cook than me. But I try to [cook] when I can. But the kids are very sweet… so enthusiastic anytime I cook. I cooked them all breakfast before school this morning, and [Maddox] has that kind of ‘Thanks, Mom! Good job!’”

But Angelina claims she never intended on amassing a child army. She adds:

“I only planned for two! It’s one of those things. You have to know what you’re capable of handling and how your children will relate to each other. Maybe if you have one child and that child has a lot of needs, you realize you cannot give more attention to another. Sometimes you just know as a parent. We felt we could handle more children, and we have a very happy, very full home.”

“We take turns working. One of us is always at home with the kids — always. Taking them out to things and being there with them and bringing them to school or to the set to visit Mommy or Daddy.”

And finally, of her relationship with Brad, she says:

“Brad is extremely handsome and sexy. When I think about him, I just think of the man who’s such a great friend and such an extraordinary father. And that’s when I fall, you know, when I have my moments of getting — whoarr! — caught up in how much I love him… it’s usually when I see him with the children.”

So, anyway, back to the dead bird story. I had these two guinea pigs when I was a kid named Frick and Frack. And one morning I woke up and Frick had eaten Frack during the night. True fuckin’ story. All that was left were some bones and a couple of tufts of fur. Pretty disturbing for a little kid, right? So anyway, I tied a shoestring around Frick’s neck and hung him from the ceiling fan to punish him for his sins. That’s about the same time my parents hid all the knives in the house and started sleeping with their bedroom door locked.

Normally, if you’re wearing a coat made of feathers, you’ve also been covered in tar and tied to a maypole, because you’re a Federal tax agent being pilloried by local distillers during the Whiskey Rebellion of 1794. In the case of Miranda Kerr, it’s just because haute couture can be really fucking stupid sometimes.

Halle Berry looks like some kinda sexy black Romulan in next month’s issue of Vogue magazine. I’d sure like to deep space nine her, if you know what I mean. High five!

Recognize the ugly dude with the shiny T-zone above? It’s none other than Lady Gaga in the September issue of Vogue Hommes Japan. I swear this isn’t a joke. The Daily Mail says:

Lady Gaga seems to have managed to pull another fashion surprise by posing as a man.

A series of photographs [taken by renowned photographer Nick Knight] show the singer dressed in suits with her normally platinum hair gelled up in a dark quiff.

[Gaga's regular stylist Nicola Formichetti] posted the images on her blog, but mysteriously lists the model’s name as ‘Jo Calderone.’

Perhaps the pictures are Gaga’s idea of poking fun at rumors that she is a hermaphrodite.

‘I love the rumor that I have a penis. I’m fascinated by it,’ she said in a recent TV interview.

Dressing up like a man will definitely show all those haters just how wrong they are about her being a hermaphrodite. Like how painting my van to look like an ice cream truck and driving it to the playground and pretending I need help finding my lost puppy will show everybody how wrong they are about me. Who’s the creepy pervert now, jerks? Yeah, that’s what I thought!

If this were American Vogue, I’d assume they were going for a tongue-in-cheek Eurotrash vibe in this spread with Victoria’s Secret model Doutzen Kroes. But it’s not American Vogue. It’s Russian Vogue. Therefore it is safe to say the Festrunk brothers don’t just cruise and swing successfully in tight slacks — they also design their very own line of Eastern Bloc swimming suits and accessories.

In case one of you pretentious asswipes wants to make some snide comment about my cultural acumen, you should know that all the -vokia’s and -vanias count as Russia as far as I’m concerned, because I’m American:

Blake Lively does some stuff and says some stuff on some show on the CW. Here she is in a bikini. I believe I’ve told you everything you need to know.