It was a big night for Michael Jackson and Taylor Swift at the American Music Awards, even though neither of them were there to accept them. People magazine says

Swift won five American Music Awards, including Favorite Artist of the Year – all while she was in London.

A stunned Swift gave her acceptance speech via satellite, paying homage to the night’s other big winner, Michael Jackson.

Jackson won four trophies: Favorite Soul/R&B Artist, Favorite Pop/Rock Male Vocalist and Favorite Pop/Rock Album and Favorite Soul/R&B Album.

Good for Michael Jackson. Everything he’s put out in the last twenty years sucked donkey, but let’s just put aside the whole “weirdo recluse pedophile drug addict who hasn’t cranked out a real hit since 1987″ because he’s dead. Jesus Christ. I’m surprised they didn’t find a way to give Roman Polanski and award while they were at it. But anyway, I digress. The only reason we watch these shows (other than for the falling down) — the dresses! So let’s get to it. (Lots more of Selena Gomez, Fergie, Alicia Keys and Rihanna after the jump)

Shakira in a Versace dress made entirely of recycled milk jugs:

Carrie Underwood in a one-shoulder gold lamé Theia frock and Adam Lambert’s belt:

Nicole Kidman as Meg Ryan in a shower curtain in Balenciaga:

Kristen Bell in I Dream of Jeanie by Christian Cota:

Kelly Clarkson in Fatty Fatty Two by Four:

PHOTO SOURCE: Pacific Coast News, Bauer-Griffin

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The Annual Costume Institute Gala celebrating ‘The Model As Muse: Embodying Fashion’ was last night, and as there are always are in large gatherings of pretentious asswipes who believe themselves to be on the very cusp avant-garde fashion, plenty of epic FAILS (see above).

Taking the stink cake was Madonna, with her recycled like Like a Virgin look made especially crappy with the addition of thigh-high patent leather boots apparently shanghaied from the set of Pretty Woman:

Next on the shit list, Leighton Meester, who is reportedly on a show on the CW and not a vintage member of the cast of the highly-acclaimed but short-lived “Designing Women on Acid” series (although I have yet to actually confirm this):

And last, but very not least, is the incorrigible Rihanna, who looks like a maître d’ cyborg killer/androgynous Barbie bridesman.