It’s not the first time Lindsay Lohan’s father Michael has spoken out about his daughter’s girlfriend Samantha Ronson — but this is the first time he’s asked for your help. He wrote on his website

After seeing promise and thanking God for Lindsay’s freedom from SaMANtha’s bondage, I see now, that since SaMANtha has once again, weaseled her way back into Lindsay”s life, things have taken a dark turn. SaMANtha has once again manipulated Lindsay into leaving her little sister in LA, only to join SaMANtha on another DJ gig in Boston.

Was this again, a means for SaMANtha to earn more money through Lindsay”s presence? Did SaMANtha’s fee drop so much and so quickly when word got out that they parted ways? Are we so blind? Is Lindsay so blind? I know Dina and my kids aren’t because they tell me so. But then again, why does Dina tell me one thing and do another?!

When a mother or father sees their child in turmoil (losing weight, not working, and purportedly cutting herself) are we supposed to stand by , remain silent and pretend it isn’t happening? Or are we suppose to step to the plate and not care what people think, and do something about it?

Well, as you can see, I’m not going to sit back and let it slide.

I am asking everyone out their to intervene in every way possible to help Lindsay, and quite possibly, save her life. Help this wonderful, good hearted and gifted young lady to see what SaMANtha is doing to her and how she is destroying her life.

Help her to see that ever since SaMANtha came into her life, nothing good has come of it. As a matter of fact, Lindsay hasn’t used her gifts like she did before meeting SaMANtha. Just LOOK! The proof is there! These aren’t just words, but FACTS! PLEASE HELP!

His clever use of the capitalized “man” in Samantha certainly lends an air of credibility to his post. You know, because she’s a lesbian and really ugly and all and the word “man” is hidden in her name. The pen truly is mightier than the sword! That’s why I used one to draw mustaches and wieners on all the pictures of my ex-husband’s business cards. Michael and I like to refer to that as “taking the high road.”

Lindsay’s new ad campaign for Fornarina:

Kim Kardashian has swallowed (ha ha) being called a lot of things — dummy, slut, human urinal — but one thing she won’t stomach is being called a liar. After several commenters on her website accused her lying about her waist size, Kim found a way to prove them all wrong. MSNBC says

“I am really sick and tired of people being so mean and nasty and assume I am lying,” she wrote, adding, “JUST FOR YOU NON-BELIEVERS, I WILL POST A VIDEO BLOG OF ME SHOWING YOU GUYS MY SIZE 27 JEANS LATER TONIGHT!”

True to her word, the “Keeping Up With the Kardashians” star filmed the tags from three pairs of her favorite jeans, and in order to head off any conspiracy theories before they began, Kim squeezed into each pair of dungarees for the camera.

You can watch the riveting video here. It takes her nearly half a minute and several jumps to get the first pair zipped and buttoned. You’d think she was putting on a goddamned wet suit or something. I’ve had leather pants go on with more ease. And just because you can wrangle a pair of stretched-out, pre-worn, 20% spandex jeans (the average spandex percentage in jeans is one or two percent, by the way) over your big fat ass does NOT make you a size 2. Just like my painting my face black and standing in the unemployment line in a football jersey does not make me a black person. It just makes me a white person who’s very likely to get subsidized living and a welfare check. There’s a big difference, people!

Her “size 2″ ass leaving the “Dancing With the Stars” rehearsal studios in L.A.: