Kim Kardashian flew to Minnesota to meet with estranged husband Kris Humphries and for the first time since filing for divorce after a mere 72 days together. Page Six says:

Sources confirmed to us that Kim had flown to Kris’ hometown early yesterday to talk to him in the presence of his family pastor Joel Johnson, who married them on Aug. 20.

Kim planned to apologize to Humphries’ family for the damage her marriage drama has done to them. The source close to Kim told us, “Kim feels deeply embarrassed and sad about what happened, and decided . . . to talk things through with Kris . . . She also wants to apologize to Kris’ family for all the drama, media attention and hurt this has caused them. She regrets not calling them to explain before she filed for divorce.”

A friend said, “She feels going to Minnesota to talk is the right thing to do, she is so embarrassed by the way everything turned out. While she accepts people are criticizing her for the lavish wedding, she feels terrible about letting everyone down.”

The source added, “The problem is they are two fundamentally different people. He is younger and has different priorities. They could not even agree on where to live: He wants to be in Minnesota, and she wants to be in LA . . . She is also very hurt that he issued a statement saying he was blindsided by the divorce filing. He knew it was coming; they both knew things weren’t working . . . but some part of Kim also misses Kris, and still wants him to be a part of her life.”

This reeks of some second-rate Speidi fake divorce ratings ploy. Will there be a last minute reconciliation? Will Kim have a change of heart? Did E! film six different endings to this story and then run them over on a focus group who was carefully outfitted with hundreds of thousands of dollars’ worth of equipment that measures pupil dilation and respiratory rate to scientifically determine which fake ending would yield the most advertising dollars? I guess we’ll have to wait for May sweeps and see!

Looking appropriately contrite at LAX last nite:

PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures

Her marriage didn’t make it to the three-month mark, but Kim Kardashian will still be keeping her $2 million engagement ring. And if she keeps it, it means it cost Kris Humprhies roughly $28,000 a day for every day of their sham marriage. The Daily Mail says:

NBA star Kris Humphries was hoping to get the 20.5 carat diamond back from his now estranged wife

However, Kim’s mother and manager Kris Jenner, 55, has nixed the idea.

‘It’s a gift – you keep a gift,’ Jenner, the matriarch of the Kardashian clan, told Good Morning America while promoting her new memoir.

She added: ‘I hate an Indian giver.’

See if you can guess if anyone was outraged and offended by her use of the term “Indian giver.”

The phrase, which is considered offensive to American Indians, describes a person who gives a present and later wants it back.

And the comment has enraged many, with a spokesperson for the largest American Indian and Alaska Native organization in the country, The National Congress of American Indians labeling the remark ‘wrong and hurtful’.

If anything’s wrong and hurtful here, it’s the passing off of a two-hour long commercial as a marriage. Also wrong and hurtful: Khloe Kardashian’s face. Jesus. That’s usually kind of face you only make when you’re in the middle of hocking up a loogie.

The whole family touching down at LAX last night:

PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures

Former Beatle Paul McCartney wed for the third time this weekend in London, this time to 51-year old New York businesswoman Nancy Shevell. People magazine says:

The couple… have been dating since 2007 and were engaged in May.

Shevell, 51, wore a long-sleeved, v-neck, knee-length ivory dress and shoes by her new stepdaughter, fashion designer Stella McCartney, who also made her father’s navy blue suit.

Paul’s youngest daughter Beatrice, 7, served as the flower girl and was seen wearing a long dress under a pink wool coat, and a flower wreath in her hair.

Gah, this is so fucking boring. She’s not scandalously young or a gold-digger or pregnant with his child. She’s just a some old chick he married. It’s like trying to make a four-course meal out of a bowl of bran flakes and melba toast.

Whoop-de-fuckin-do:

PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures

Actor Seth Rogen and his writer girlfriend of seven years Lauren Miller were married this past weekend in California. The Daily Mail says:

The couple’s ceremony was officiated by a female rabbi, and they exchanged their wedding vows at the top of a hill that was surrounded by vineyards.

Around 200 guests attended the ceremony, including stars such as Jonah Hill, Adam Sandler, Paul Rudd and The Office’s Craig Robinson.

Here’s to Seth and Laura! May their love abound and their marriage be as smooth and unblemished as Elisabetta Canalis’ perfectly sculpted abs. Which, coincidentally, I just happen to have a ton of pictures of right here.

PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures

Despite champing at the bit to legally bind his ass to hers by the end of year, the Jessica Simpson has decided to put off her dream wedding to fiance Eric Johnson. And before you say anything, this has nothing to do with her weight… or does it? Dun dun DUN! Look, I’m trying to make this interesting. Work with me here. Go pound a beer and then come right back. Trust me, it helps. The NY Daily News says:

But instead of the bride having cold feet, some speculate Simpson is actually putting wedding plans on hold for some bigger news.

According to In Touch, the blond beauty is expecting her first child.

Simpson was reportedly so shocked when she first learned she was expecting via a home pregnancy test earlier this month, she took nine more tests to make sure.

“She’s already having kooky cravings which satisfy her urge for salty and sweet,” the friend added, listing nacho chips dipped in chocolate… among Simpson’s current favorites.

Where does one buy nacho chips dipped in chocolate, I wonder? Probably the same place you by bacon-wrapped sausage and beer-battered Twinkies. Arkansas.

PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures

So Jesse James and Kat von D got engaged in January, and then they called off the wedding six months later, except no, it was just postponed, they’re just as in love as ever and still planning on getting married… if they hadn’t just broken up again. Yeah, I stopped caring about 35 words ago. People Magazine says:

Another month – and another breakup for Jesse James and Kat Von D.

“I am not in a relationship,” the tattoo artist said in a post on her Facebook page on Saturday. “And I apologize for all the ‘back and forth’ if it’s caused any confusion.”

So what went wrong this time? “It was clear to me that we were just on two different paths in life,” Von D [says]. “My friend put it best when he said I could never be more deserving of total, noble love. And as a woman, I think it’s important to know your value and never lose sight of that.”

When translated from the original bullshit, “deserving of total, noble love,” roughly translates as “I’m not into anal fisting.” Sorry, but you can’t bullshit a bullshitter. I’m fluent in three different dialects.

Kat in L.A. last week:

PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures

I think I’m gonna stab somebody in the face if I hear Kim Kardashian’s stupid wedding referred to as “the American version of the royal wedding” again. The Kardashians AREN’T FUCKING ROYALTY. They’re classes, tasteless, money-hungry whiny-voiced famewhores with no discernible talent whatsoever. I’d sooner bow down to King Vitamin and the King of Cartoons.

I can’t physically bear to post another picture of that twat, so enjoy a little Bar Refaeli in a bikini instead:

You can never have enough rhinestones or titty freckles at an evening wedding, so this demure ensemble was the perfect choice for Lindsay Lohan to wear to Kim Kardashian’s nuptials this weekend. Plus the draping around the chest is perfect for catching any tequila that misses your mouth when you’re pounding shots at the bar. Radar Online says:

Lindsay wore a low cut Marilyn-style dress with crystal detail in the back. Her blonde hair was styled in a dramatic upsweep.

“She was drinking and partying hard,” insider said. “I saw her order shots from the bar.”

Although still on probation, with community service and counseling requirements to be met, Lindsay has no restrictions on drinking and she was not driving.

I was sure that dress came directly out of the evening wear section of a Frederick’s of Hollywood catalog, but it’s actually the same Temperly dress that Pippa Middleton wore the evening of her sister’s wedding to Prince William. It’s amazing what a few self-tanning armpit stains and lack of underwear can do to make a look all your own.

Kim Kardashian the day before her wedding:

PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures

In case you were trapped in a well for the last three days, Kim Kardashian married New Jersey Nets star Kris Humphries in a ten million dollar ceremony that didn’t cost her a fucking dime on Saturday. E! is of course milking it for all it’s worth with a two-part special entitled “Kim’s Fairytale Wedding: A Kardashian Event” set to air in early October. People Magazine says:

The couple, who became engaged in May after dating for six months, wed at a private estate in front of 440 guests.

Kardashian donned an ivory custom-designed Vera Wang gown with full tulle skirt, basque waist and hand-pieced Chantilly lace appliqué on the bodice and train.

For later in the evening, Kim planned two more changes, both Vera Wang ivory dresses.

The first was a Georgette mermaid gown with hand-pieced Chantilly lace appliqué and hand-cut organza petals intermixed with Chantilly lace motifs and organza sprig embroidery.

The other Vera Wang dress was a bias-cut crepe back satin gown with V-neck and circle skirt.

The dress pictured above isn’t one of the three dresses she wore Saturday night — it was Madame Tussaud’s attempt at milking the event by putting her wax statue in a wedding gown. As if the real Kim Kardashian could ever get away with wearing white on her wedding day or look that natural under fluorescent lights.

Hot mess Tara Reid married her Danish businessman fiance of two hours (no, really) in Greece on Saturday. People Magazine says:

Reid, 35, Tweeted the happy news herself in a series of short messages. “Just got married in greece I love being a wife,” she Tweeted Saturday evening.

And it wasn’t a long engagement: only hours earlier she wrote on Twitter: “I just got engaged!”

The actress met Michael Lilleund in November in Saint-Tropez.

Reid was previously engaged to Internet entrepreneur Michael Axtmann, but called it off in 2010.

Poor Tara. I give it three months before she finds out that snowballing and felching aren’t really part of traditional Danish wedding vows. But by then it’ll be too late, because she’ll already be divorced. Sad.

UPDATE: So the guy she married wasn’t Michael Lilleund. She married some local named Zack Kehayov. I bet it wasn’t so much a “wedding” as it was “identity theft.”

Looking dazed and confused in L.A. last month:

PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures

After playing house with “True Blood” star Alexander Skarsgard for two years, Kate Bosworth is now back on the market. Us Magazine says:

Alexander Skarsgard and 21 actress Kate Bosworth have called it quits.

“It was very mutual,” a source [says]. “And it happened a while ago.”

At Comic-Con in San Diego, the actor, 34, flirted with a brunette — and left the party with her.

“He’s single,” confirms a source, “and he is loving the attention!”

Kate Bosworth doesn’t have an arrest record or any tits to speak of, so I thought I’d post this wedding dress extravaganza photo shoot Kristin Cavallari did for Life & Style magazine instead. The timing on this thing couldn’t be better — it hit newsstands a day after fiance Jay Cutler broke off their engagement. I couldn’t let an opportunity like that go to waste. Posting it all over the internet is the closest I’ll ever get to actually taping a “kick me sign” on her back.

Jessica Simpson’s ex-husband Nick Lachey and former MTV something-or-other Vanessa Minnillo were married today, and surprise, surprise — Nick’s already found a way to make a reality show out of it. Because it worked out so well the first time, you see. Us Magazine says:

Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minnillo said “I do,” on Friday… at the top of a cliff overlooking the ocean on Necker Island. The wedding was extremely small and close family only.

They allowed reality cameras to document their big day as a part of a TLC wedding special.

These two D-list nobodies aren’t worth the time and energy it would take for me to burn them. Besides, just being Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minnillo should be plenty burn enough. Or “Who and who again?” as they’re collectively known to the rest of the world.

Vanessa in a bikini in Mexico (hey, I’m trying to make this as interesting somehow):

PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures