This is the best Demi Lovato’s looked since she got out of rehab and got all fat. I don’t know if it’s the angle or her position or what, but I’m inclined to believe I would in fact hit that. I know, I was just as surprised as you are.
At the Sheraton Hotel in Chile:
I was wondering what Margaret Cho was doing in such a stupid hat until I read the tags on the pics. Turns out that’s not Margaret Cho at all. It’s “American Idol” winner Kelly Clarkson. Who knew? Yeah, apparently she’s endorsing Republican candidate Ron Paul now. And also probably Hostess and Entenmann’s, respectively.
Putting on a free show for the Sugar Bowl FanJam in New Orleans on Sunday:
PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures
Obscenely pregnant Jessica Simpson just signed an estimated $3 million deal with Weight Watchers to lose the post-pregnancy weight and become a news spokesperson for their weight loss program. According to Page Six:
Sources tell us the blond star has been fielding offers from a number of weight-loss programs, [but she ultimately chose to go with Weight Watchers].
One source said, “The deal is in place, and after having her baby, she’ll start with Weight Watchers to lose her baby weight.”
So it actually behooves her to put on more weight before the baby comes because then her post-pregnancy weight loss will seem all the more drastic. It will inspire fatties everywhere to believe the secret to looking like a slightly less bloated Jessica Simpson is measuring portions and assigning points and ordering from the WW section of the menu at Applebee’s, when the reality is it will be the personal trainer, the personal chef, a prescription for Adderall and Ambien, illegally obtained human growth hormone and $10,000 worth of liposuction and that will make Jessica Simpson look like she did before the baby and Krispy Kreme wrecked her body.
With fiance Eric Johnson and sister Ashlee and her son Bronx in New York yesterday:
PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures
Jessica Simpson has made a point of making herself as repellant as possible of late, and last night’s FFaNY Awards at the Museum of Modern Art was no exception. The Daily Mail says:
The star says her glistening [pregnant] sheen is actually because she’s a little too hot.
‘People always say that pregnant women have a glow,’ she [said]. ‘And I say it’s because you’re sweating to death!”
That’s just what my mom used to tell me when she was pregnant — she was “glowing.” It wasn’t the DT sweats or anything. Whatever. I always knew that was a lie. Just like she wasn’t “blossoming,” either. I think I know a fart when I hear one.
On the red carpet (no, she’s not the red carpet, but I can see how you might be fooled):
PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures
The 2011 American Music Awards were last night, and no, I didn’t watch them, and no, I’m not gonna look up who won what. Nobody cares about the fuckin’ AMA’s. It’s the music industry’s equivalent of the Dundee Awards. What I will talk about is how fat Christina Aguilera looked in that dress (watch the performance after the jump). Oh, honey. The Daily Mail says:
Christina Aguilera’s bandage dress was somewhat challenged as she appeared onstage last night… at the American Music Awards in Los Angeles.
The Voice star bulged out of her bandage-style silver dress while performing the smash hit single Moves Like Jagger with Maroon 5.
As she was raised onto the stage mid-song on a glittery silver podium, Christina looked significantly heavier than the size four she has claimed to be.
I have never before seen a woman who so seamlessly encapsulated both Anna Nicole Smith’s‘s refined sense of style and Tonya Harding’s stately elegance. All this time, science said it couldn’t be done. At least not without six hundred boxes of irradiated powdered donuts and a cattle prod.
More of Fatty Fatty Two-by-Four, plus some of Taylor Swift looking beautiful on the AMAs red carpet:
PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures
Miley Cyrus took to her Twitter yesterday to address her recent weight gain by posting a picture of an anorexic girl to shame her detractors for encouraging eating disorders by calling her fat. She tweeted:
By calling girls like me fat this is what you’re doing to other people. i love MYSELF & if you could say the same.
I don’t wanna be shaped like a girl I LOVE being shaped like a WOMAN & trust me ladies your man wont mind either
@ddlovato AMEN! I will destroy any one that ever calls you the F word. You have the SEXIIIESTTTT curvyyyy body! I LOVE IT! #werkthosecurves
I guess there’s solidarity in numbers for fat girls. They instinctively flock together like a herd of rhinoceroses. Except instead of the Serengeti plain, it’s in front of a mall Cinnabon.
PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures
If Tina Yothers and Sally Struthers simultaneously fell into a pit of irradiated bronzer near a nuclear testing site, forever bonding their two bodies and the radioactive bronzer into one monstrous singularity, you’d have Christina Aguilera at The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim launch party last night. I’m pretty sure only The Incredible Hulk can kill it.
PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures
Boy, this must be why Linus never sees the Great Pumpkin. Christina Aguilera’s giant ass has been in the way this whole time.
PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures
You’d think Britney Spears would remember that she’s given birth to two kids before she put on an outfit like that. Those daisy dukes can’t even make it over her c-section scar.
On tour in Malmoes, Sweden yesterday:
PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures
I see Kelly Clarkson finally found the perfect spokesmodel for her new lounge wear line, KC Casual.TM Because you should be comfortable while chewing and swallowing!
Demi Lovato in L.A. yesterday:
PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures
I don’t know when they let Lita Ford out of the insane asylum, but somebody should probably warn Dunkin’ Donuts.
Christina Aguilera at the Michael Jackson tribute concert in England last night:
PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures
Guns N’ Roses front man Axl Rose hasn’t looked right since he had all that plastic surgery a few years back, but the 50 extra pounds he’s put on certainly aren’t helping anything. The Daily Mail says:
The 49-year-old singer was [sic] unrecognizable as he took to the stage at the Rock In Rio music festival, with his attempts to cover up his larger frame in a coat failing miserably.
Rose appeared to have gained a significant amount of weight in recent months, with his slim frame at the 2006 MTV Video Music Awards a distant memory.
The rocker teamed his yellow coat with a black hat and sunglasses, with the whole ensemble contributing to his bizarre appearance.
You know, I always wondered what Hank Williams, Jr. would look like without the beard. Thanks to this footage of Axl Rose, I don’t have to wonder anymore.
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