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Beauty

My mom always told me if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all. And the nicest thing I could think to say about Demi Lovato’s outfit was, “It looks like the perfect thing to wear to corn-dog eating contest at the fair.” And that was after thinking for like 15 minutes, too. Sometimes this job is really hard.

Cowboy boots don’t flatter the cankle-y among us, but they work great on you leggy slender types — check out some fun boots to try in the gallery above.

News

leann-rimes-before-after

Leann Rimes looked significantly healthier at the 15th Annual Grammy Foundation Music Preservation Project yesterday (left) than she did at the actual Grammy’s two years ago (right). What the homewrecking and laxatives took off, marriage and rehab put right back on. Just like the cops with Randy Travis’ paper pants.

In other news…

Gisele Bundchen shows off pics of her new baby daughter. (The Daily Stab)

11 crazy National Enquirer stories that turned out to be true, including Tiger Woods’ and John Edwards’ affairs! The two-headed Elvis clone is still up for debate. (Mandatory)

The public fascination with the 22-year-old “fashionista” who took a swan dive off the George Washington Bridge explained in two words: frenemies and fabulousness. I wish I were making this up. (Jezebel)

There’s a reason maternity tops aren’t see-through, but that’s not stopping Kim Kardashian. (Celeb Slam)

A critic for the New York Observer calls Melissa McCarthy “tractor-sized,” “hippo” and “obese” in his review of Identity Thief, because cheap shots are easy when you can’t think of anything clever to say. I should know. They’re my specialty. (Huffington Post)

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I’m glad to see Katie Holmes has put on a few since her split from Tom Cruise. She looks a lot more robust. Plus, if she ever comes across a role for a former East German hammer thrower, she’ll already have the legs for it. Win-win!

From the header pic, I’d say Suri is either blind or possessed by the devil. For her sake, I hope it’s blindness, if only because that would mean she wouldn’t have to look at her mother’s hideous outfit. The denim jacket is the only part of that look I can endorse, and you can get one just like hers here.

I had to look twice to make sure this wasn’t Papa Don’t Preach-era Madonna and Sally Struthers signing autographs in a Macy’s department store. For a second, I was pretty sure I’d been unwittingly thrust into an alternate universe fifteen years back in time. It took a lot of crying and spitting and pair of zip-tie restraints before anybody on the bus could convince me they were actually Jessica and Ashlee Simpson and it was still 2012.

Jess’ new shoe line has now ventured into unforgivable Courntey Stodden-territory, as evidenced by The Beckery and The Waleo.

Beauty

Lady Gaga will tell you all day how much she loves her “little monsters,” but when a legion of her fans turned up outside her hotel balcony in Rio yesterday, she carpet-bombed them with frozen vegetables and then took off her top. Pacific Coast News says:

Pop star Lady Gaga [hung] out on the balcony of her Brazilian hotel [and] giggled with friends as she tossed frozen vegetables at fans and emerged topless in a towel.

Bottom line, being pelted with frozen vegetables is still better than being subjected to her music. Even if it’s a zucchini or a squash, and those can really hurt.

Get a much more flattering bikini than Lady Gaga’s titty-squashing take on turquoise. How’s that for alliteration! And my parents said getting a Bachelor’s in English would never pay off!

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