R.E.M. announced yesterday that they were going their separate ways after over thirty years together. Front man Michael Stipe wrote on their official website:

“A wise man once said ‘the skill in attending a party is knowing when it’s time to leave.’ We built something extraordinary together. We did this thing. And now we’re going to walk away from it.

I hope our fans realize this wasn’t an easy decision; but all things must end, and we wanted to do it right, to do it our way.

We have to thank all the people who helped us be R.E.M. for these 31 years; our deepest gratitude to those who allowed us to do this. It’s been amazing.”

And he shot down any rumors of dissension within the band, adding:

“We have always been a band in the truest sense of the word. Brothers who truly love and respect each other. We feel kind of like pioneers in this — there’s no disharmony here, no falling-outs, no lawyers squaring off. We’ve made this decision together, amicably and with each other’s best interests at heart.”

And to prove there were no hard feelings, Michael Stipe promptly unleashed his (NSFW) wiener and riotous mane of pubic hair on the internet. Makes perfect sense, really. We just broke up, so here’s my dick. You’d be surprised how many of my relationships have ended with that very phrase.

With all the naked “Not Blake Lively” we’ve had here lately, I thought it was time for a little change of pace. Something along the lines of this full-frontal naked photo of MMA fighter Tito Ortiz to cleanse our collective palate, if you will. TMZ says:

The photo surfaced [last night] — when it was uploaded to Tito’s personal photo-sharing website, which is connected through his Twitter page.

The photo appears to be a naked self-portrait shot with a cell phone.

Tito tweeted [shortly thereafter], “Someone hacked my fucking phone.”

Note to guys everywhere: if you’re gonna take a picture of your wiener — impressive though it may be — you don’t want to do it with a huge shit-eating grin on your face. It gives the same aesthetic effect of a retard who pulled down his pants on the bus because somebody told him to, but wasn’t quite in on the joke. You want to think more along with lines of Senior Portrait Pensive, or maybe a nice Blue Steel. Something that says, “I’m serious about my wiener, and you can be, too.”

Wife Jenna Jameson at Scott Disick’s birthday party last week:

I know that you, like me, have spent many sleepless nights tossing and turning, wondering if you’ll ever get to see Chris Brown’s wiener before you die. Well, the wait is over, my friends: Chris Brown’s wiener in all its pube-shorn NSFW entirety. I don’t like to call myself a hero or anything. I’m more of a modern day Robin Hood, robbing the rich to give to the wiener-less. Why else would I be carrying this 12th century bow and arrow in my laptop case?

NSFW video of the picture after the jump, or click the header for the good stuff.

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Resident Jersey Shore douche Mike Sorrentino has a “situation” going on alright, but it’s not his rock-hard abs — it’s his itty-bitty teeny tiny wiener. EDITOR’S NOTE: ha ha ha ha ha! Star Magazine says:

One of his conquests dishes about her not-so-hot night with [the] Jersey Shore star — complete with details about his tiny manbits.

“I wouldn’t even call it a one-night stand, because he only lasted a few minutes,” club promoter Melody Eckerson told Star.

[And as for his penis size?] “Let’s just say, I’m thinking of my pinky.”

This isn’t really news to me, because I already assumed he had a tiny tinkus. Any guy that works out that obsessively is compensating for something, and nine times out of ten it’s the wiener. The other one time is because he’s gay. I’m still on the fence about Pauly D.

Media TakeOut obtained this photo of what appeared to be Jamie Foxx snapping a pic of himself buck-ass naked in front of a mirror (click here for the NSFW mega-penis action). For those of you keeping count, that makes him, Rihanna, Cassie, Ashley Greene, Vanessa Hudgens all within the last month and a half. Honestly, I don’t know what it is with celebrities and taking nekkid pictures of themselves and “leaking” them online lately. It’s best to leave that business to the pros. And by “pros” I mean “14-year old girls with self-esteem issues and inattentive parents.” Thank God for cell phone cameras and messy divorces!

UPDATE: Foxx is admitting it’s him and claiming it was taken for an upcoming movie role and therefore his property, so image has been removed per threatening lawyer request. Wienerific!

At “The Soloist” premiere with Robert Downey, Jr.: