The American Music Awards were last night (full list of winners and nominees after the jump), and the best part of the evening was the MC Hammer/Gangnam style mashup performance that wrapped up the show. And to think, mom tried to throw out all my Hammer pants and double-breasted sequin blazers last year. It’s like I told her, my fanny pack and jellies just don’t work without them.

If you can’t find a wormhole to the year 1990, get your own Hammer pants here from Missoni and here from Chloe.

Carrie Underwood in Abed Mahfouz and Jacob & Co. jewels:

Jenny McCarthy in Dolce & Gabbana and Southern Baptist preacher pompadour:

Ke$ha in… ah, who cares. She’s gross:

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Even though she was too sad about her failed marriage to show up, Katy Perry was still the big winner at the 38th annual People’s Choice Awards last night. It still doesn’t explain why Demi Lovato’s wearing a lounge singer’s bejeweled quinceanera dress, but we’ll get to that in a minute. People Magazine says:

Perry was honored in five categories, as favorite female artist, tour headliner and for song of the year for “ET” with Kanye West, music video for “Last Friday Night” and TV guest star for How I Met Your Mother.

Among the other winners in the 43 categories, Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows: Part 2 took four awards – favorite movie, action movie, book adaptation and ensemble movie cast, although no stars from the film attended.

Other honorees included Ellen DeGeneres, Lea Michele and Demi Lovato, as well as favorite movie actress and actor Emma Stone and Johnny Depp.

I’m glad to see the tailor outside Castle Greyskull is still cranking out those built-in-breast-plate dresses so popular with the ladies on Eternia. This is why She-Ra’s dumpy overweight sister never made it into the cartoon.

For a complete list of winners, click here:

Nina Dobrev:

Lea Michele:

PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures

“Modern Family” was the big winner at last night’s 63rd Annual Emmy Awards (click here for a complete list of winners and nominees), taking home the awards for Best Comedy, Best Supporting Actress (Julie Bowen), Best Supporting Actor (Ty Burrell), Best Director and Best Writing in the comedy category. What you may not know is that I also took home several awards last night, including Best Who Gives a Shit, Best What in Holy Hell is Happening with Christina Hendrick’s Tits, and Outstanding Roach Clip Dexterity. And I didn’t even have to dress up.

Christina Hendricks, Sofia Vergara, and Kate Winslet here; Claire Danes and Nina Dobrev after the jump:

PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures

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The most insignificant of all the movie award shows aired on MTV last night, complete with its usual fare of predictable hijinx and zany shenanigans. Like Mila Kunis and Justin Timberlake grabbing each others’ naughty bits in a bid to prove that their relationship was strictly platonic (LOL!). Or Robert Pattinson mouth-kissing his Twilight co-star Taylor Lautner (OMG)! Or a celebrity mash-up Hangover parody with host Jason Sudeikis (ROTFLMAO)! The only part of the night that was even remotely funny was when Reese Witherspoon burned nekkid-picture-taker Blake Lively. The Daily Mail says:

During her acceptance speech, Reese addressed the industry’s younger actresses. ‘It’s possible to make it in Hollywood without a reality show,’ she said.

And in a surprising direct dig at Gossip Girl’s Blake Lively, she said: ‘And if you take naked pictures of yourself with your cell phone, you hide your face.’

In other less interesting news, the god-awful “Twilight: Eclipse” won Best Movie, Best Male Performance (Robert Pattinson), Best Female Performance (Kristen Stewart), Best Kiss (Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart), and Best Fight Scene (Robert Pattinson vs. Bryce Dallas Howard and Xavier Samuel); some chick from the comparably shitty “Kick-Ass” took home Best Breakout Star and Biggest Badass Star; and last, but certainly not least, was Justin Bieber’s “Never Say Never,” which claimed Best Jaw-Dropping Moment. I assume that references the aghast disbelief that inevitably leaves one’s mouth agape when one finds out that “Never Say Never” grossed $73 million domestically and another $25 mil overseas. To put that in perspective, that’s more than the gross national product of Sao Tome and Principe and Somalia combined. Granted, the 7-11 down the street probably grosses more than Sao Tome and Principe and Somalia combined, but it’s really the principle of it all. That principle being, “This generation sucks donkey balls.”

LOTS more pics after the jump:

Brooklyn Decker:

Emma Stone:

Jessica Szohr:

Kristen Stewart:

PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures

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Further reinforcing that crap is king, the Twilight saga was the big winner at last night’s People Choice Awards. Apparently, all the “people” who “chose” the winners of these awards were under fifteen and had ovaries. People Magazine says:

The latest installment in the [Twilight] series, Eclipse, picked up four awards, including favorite movie, surpassing nominees including The Social Network and Inception.

It also won favorite drama movie and favorite on-screen team, and star Kristen Stewart beat out Angelina Jolie and Jennifer Aniston for favorite movie actress as Bella Swan.

Adam Sandler won for favorite comedic star, while his hit flick Grown Ups was favorite comedic movie.

Eminem [snagged 3 awards], the most in the music category.

The big news of the night, though, was not the stunning lack of A-listers or Raven-Symone’s drastic weight loss or Ashley Tisdale’s Chernobyl skin — it was Khloe Kardashian’s new red hair. At least according to People Magazine:

Khloe Kardashian stole the spotlight from her sisters at last night’s People’s Choice Awards, debuting newly dyed red hair that set her apart from her raven-haired siblings. “I love it! It’s fun!” Khloe [said]. “I wanted to stand out for a little bit.”

Being a lumbering Sasquatch already made her stand out from her sisters plenty. She didn’t need any help making herself visible in a crowd. Hell, that Where’s Waldo guy blends into large groups better than this bitch does, and he only has half the back fat.

The Kardashians holding their Favorite TV Guilty Pleasure award, plus Raven-Symone, Selena Gomez, Emma Roberts and Ashley Tisdale:

PHOTO CREDIT: Fame Pictures

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