It’s a Thanksgiving miracle! Britney Spears made her “comeback performance” at the Bambi Awards in Dusseldorf last night, performing “Womanizer” to a house packed full of Germans. Just how a country who considers David Hasselhoff a musical genius ended up hosting a music awards show remains a mystery to me. Frankly, if it doesn’t involve “Farfegnugen” or “The Final Solution to the Jewish Question,” Germans should probably just stay the hell out of it. Wiener schnitzel and have a great holiday weekend, snarkistas!

Now for some REAL German musical talent:

A remarkably svelte Britney Spears writhes around totally naked in the video for her latest musical masterpiece “Womanizer.” Just how did she get so hot so quick? Other than the digital retouching and the lens filters, I mean? Why, with the help of magic pills, of course! MSNBC says

“She’s lost a total of 25 pounds over the last several months. She’s losing about two pounds a week [by] taking Nutrition 53 [and] working out.” (Nutrition 53, interestingly, is the supplement backed by Bill Romanowski, the former NFL linebacker).

Magical football pills, at that! I was figuring something a little more Hollywood, like Adderall and Hepatitis C, but I guess NFL-endorsed supplements work, too. Provided there’s not already an old woman speaking in riddles and in need of a cow wandering around downtown Los Angeles.

Britney Spears is finally starting to look a bit like her former self — the one before two babies and 9,000 gallons of frappucino — but hell if that’s Britney in the pictures above. Nine MSN says

The leaked artwork for upcoming single ‘Womanizer’ is so airbrushed, it makes Britney look positively [inhuman] – unless you’re a human with weirdly long stick legs and a dehydrated pinhead. It’s a new benchmark in badly Photoshopped celebs.

It’s nice to know Mariah Carey’s retoucher is still making the rounds! What with the uncertainty in today’s economy and all. I guess “realistic proportions” and “job security” are mutually exclusivefor a photoshop artist. Kinda like how “not being laid like ten miles of pipe” and “your mom” are mutually exclusive. Zing!