The 61st Annual Emmy Awards were last night, and instead of doing my standard best dressed and worst dressed posts, I’m going to try something different: being positive for a change. Yes, this year’s fashion review is going to take a page from the current politically correct climate in which nothing’s anyone’s fault and everybody who participates gets a gold star. Mediocrity is the new black! So, first up on my Best of the 2009 Emmys list is actress (?) Phoebe Price. Phoebe wins “Best Old Lady Beaver Flash” (closeup here). How’s that for a little “red carpet” action? Get it? Red carpet? Because she’s a redhead… and, you know… carpet and the drapes — oh, just forget it. I’m going to go ahead and give myself a gold star for that joke anyway. See, everybody wins!

The Best of the Rest after the jump

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I don’t know who’s responsible for making Megan Fox look like this, but I think we can all agree on one thing here: that person should be horse-whipped repeatedly and left for dead. It’s a good thing I’m not a Sith lord. The kind of anger these pictures inspire would make me more powerful than any Jedi’s ever dreamed of.

Megan Fox:

Miley Cyrus:

Kristen Stewart, non-conformist in the most conformist way possible:

Leighton Meester, or Aeon Flux?

Anna Faris’ dress courtesy Hefty Cinch Sak:

The Annual Costume Institute Gala celebrating ‘The Model As Muse: Embodying Fashion’ was last night, and as there are always are in large gatherings of pretentious asswipes who believe themselves to be on the very cusp avant-garde fashion, plenty of epic FAILS (see above).

Taking the stink cake was Madonna, with her recycled like Like a Virgin look made especially crappy with the addition of thigh-high patent leather boots apparently shanghaied from the set of Pretty Woman:

Next on the shit list, Leighton Meester, who is reportedly on a show on the CW and not a vintage member of the cast of the highly-acclaimed but short-lived “Designing Women on Acid” series (although I have yet to actually confirm this):

And last, but very not least, is the incorrigible Rihanna, who looks like a maître d’ cyborg killer/androgynous Barbie bridesman.

Now that we’ve got the best-dressed out of the way, let’s go in for the kill: The 81st Annual Academy Awards Worst-Dressed List. Starting with Beyonce, above. I’ve heard the expression “walking like you’ve got a corn cob up your ass,” but this is ridiculous. I wouldn’t be surprised to learn there was a damn Volkswagen wedged into her pooper.

The rest of the list after the jump!

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