With a body like that, it’s hard to believe that Gwen Stefani is over 40. Then again, it’s hard to believe that Miller Lite tastes great and is less filling. I’m just gonna keep pounding beer until I come to terms with the incongruous dichotomy of it all.
PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures
Queen Latifah has refused to answer questions about her sexuality for years now, but these pictures of her with her longtime girlfriend personal trainer on a yacht in the Med ought to pretty much tell you everything that you need to know. Namely, that scissoring doesn’t burn nearly as many calories as a closeted lesbian might think it does. It looks like somebody stuck a muskox in pair of board shorts and turned it loose on the Promenade Deck.
UPDATE: I had not realized that the infallible Sonya had already alerted you to the Queen’s overt display of gayness last week. Please enjoy these pictures of a pregnant Alicia Keys on the same yacht as punishment consolation.
PHOTO SOURCE: Bauer-Griffin Online
Just look at how happy Paris Hilton is in these pictures. Mouth agape, tits out, surrounded by a crowd of men spraying her with foamy white fluid. I’m just glad nobody ruined it for her by telling her it was champagne and not semen. “Yes, Virginia, There is a Penis Claus.” Ho, ho, ho indeed.
In St. Tropez yesterday:
PHOTO SOURCE: Bauer-Griffin
George Clooney’s yacht stands an impressive 175 feet long, regularly makes stops along the French Riviera, and comes equipped with supermodel Cindy Crawford lounging around topless. My ’84 Chevy Caprice, on the other hand, has an analog tape deck, a gear shift held together with duct tape, and a distinctive odor from the “red beans and rice” incident my freshman year. But I didn’t pay $120 million dollars for it, so in your fucking face, George Clooney!
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