George Clooney’s yacht stands an impressive 175 feet long, regularly makes stops along the French Riviera, and comes equipped with supermodel Cindy Crawford lounging around topless. My ‘84 Chevy Caprice, on the other hand, has an analog tape deck, a gear shift held together with duct tape, and a distinctive odor from the “red beans and rice” incident my freshman year. But I didn’t pay $120 million dollars for it, so in your fucking face, George Clooney!