The 64th Annual Emmy Awards were last night, and I would have watched were I not 99% sure that my television was haunted, so instead I drank half a case of Old Milwaukee and used my uncle’s crossbow to shoot at it from a safe distance. You can imagine my surprise this morning when I discovered I hadn’t actually been at home at all, but in a T.G.I. Friday’s, and the television I’d drilled full of arrows because I was certain it was the mouthpiece of the damned was actually just an autographed photo Wilford Brimley wearing a sombrero. In hindsight, the bath salts may have been a bad idea.

Christina Hendricks’s enormous boobs here in a Christian Siriano dress, and if you have F cups and an extra $895 laying around, you could throw a belt on this Badgley Mischka dress and not take home an Emmy, either (complete list of nominees and winners after the jump).

PHOTO SOURCE: Pacific Coast News

Outstanding Drama Series

“Boardwalk Empire”
“Breaking Bad”
“Downton Abbey”
“Game of Thrones”
“Homeland” (WINNER)
“Mad Men”

Lead Actress in a Drama Series

Kathy Bates, “Harry’s Law”
Glenn Close, “Damages”
Claire Danes, “Homeland” (WINNER)
Michelle Dockery, “Downton Abbey”
Julianna Margulies, “The Good Wife”
Elisabeth Moss, “Mad Men”

Lead Actor in a Drama Series

Hugh Bonneville,”Downton Abbey”
Steve Buscemi, “Boardwalk Empire”
Bryan Cranston, “Breaking Bad”
Michael C. Hall, “Dexter”
Jon Hamm, “Mad Men”
Damian Lewis, “Homeland” (WINNER)

Supporting Actress in a Drama Series

Archie Panjabi, “The Good Wife”
Anna Gunn, “Breaking Bad”
Maggie Smith, “Downton Abbey” (WINNER)
Joanna Froggatt, “Downton Abbey”
Christina Hendricks, “Mad Men”
Christine Baranski, “The Good Wife”

Supporting Actor in a Drama Series

Aaron Paul, “Breaking Bad” (WINNER)
Giancarlo Esposito, “Breaking Bad”
Brendan Coyle, “Downton Abbey”
Jim Carter, “Downton Abbey”
Jared Harris, “Mad Men”
Peter Dinklage, “Game of Thrones”

Outstanding Comedy Series

“The Big Bang Theory”
“Curb Your Enthusiasm”
“Girls”
“Modern Family” (WINNER)
“30 Rock”
“Veep”

Lead Actress in a Comedy Series
Zooey Deschanel, “New Girl”
Lena Dunham, “Girls”
Edie Falco, “Nurse Jackie”
Tina Fey, “30 Rock”
Julia Louis-Dreyfus, “Veep” (WINNER)
Melissa McCarthy, “Mike & Molly”
Amy Poehler, “Parks and Recreation”

Lead Actor in a Comedy Series

Alec Baldwin, “30 Rock”
Don Cheadle, “House of Lies”
Louis C.K., “Louie”
Jon Cryer, “Two and a Half Men” (WINNER)
Larry David, “Curb Your Enthusiasm”
Jim Parsons, “The Big Bang Theory”

Supporting Actress in a Comedy Series

Mayim Bialik, “The Big Bang Theory”
Kathryn Joosten, “Desperate Housewives”
Julie Bowen, “Modern Family” (WINNER)
Sofia Vergara, “Modern Family”
Merritt Wever, “Nurse Jackie”
Kristen Wiig, “Saturday Night Live”

Supporting Actor in a Comedy Series

Ed O’Neill, “Modern Family”
Jesse Tyler Ferguson, “Modern Family”
Ty Burrell, “Modern Family”
Eric Stonestreet, “Modern Family” (WINNER)
Max Greenfield, “New Girl”
Bill Hader, “Saturday Night Live”

Outstanding Miniseries or Movie

“American Horror Story”
“Game Change” (WINNER)
“Hatfields and McCoys”
“Hemingway and Gellhorn”
“Luther”
“Sherlock: A Scandal in Belgravia”

Lead Actress in a Miniseries or Movie

Julianne Moore, “Game Change” (WINNER)
Connie Britton, “American Horror Story”
Nicole Kidman, “Hemingway & Gellhorn”
Emma Thompson, “The Song of Lunch”
Ashley Judd, “Missing”

Leading Actor in a Miniseries or Movie

Woody Harrelson, “Game Change”
Clive Owen, “Hemingway & Gellhorn”
Benedict Cumberbatch, “Sherlock: A Scandal in Belgravia”
Idris Elba, “Luther”
Kevin Costner, “Hatfields & McCoys” (WINNER)
Bill Paxton, “Hatfields & McCoys”

Supporting Actress in a Miniseries or Movie

Sarah Paulson, “Game Change”
Frances Conroy, “American Horror Story”
Jessica Lange, “American Horror Story” (WINNER)
Judy Davis, “Page Eight”
Mare Winningham, “Hatfields & McCoys”

Supporting Actor in a Miniseries or Movie

Ed Harris, “Game Change”
Denis O’Hare, “American Horror Story”
David Strathairn, “Hemingway & Gellhorn”
Martin Freeman, “Sherlock: A Scandal in Belgravia”
Tom Berenger, “Hatfields & McCoys” (WINNER)

Outstanding Reality-Competition Program

“The Amazing Race” (WINNER)
“Dancing With the Stars”
“Project Runway”
“So You Think You Can Dance”
“Top Chef”
“The Voice”

Outstanding Host For A Reality Or Reality-Competition Program

Tom Bergeron, “Dancing With the Stars” (WINNER)
Cat Deeley, “So You Think You Can Dance”
Phil Keoghan, “The Amazing Race”
Ryan Seacrest, “American Idol”
Betty White, “Betty White’s Off Their Rockers”

Outstanding Variety, Music, or Comedy Series

“The Colbert Report”
“The Daily Show with Jon Stewart” (WINNER)
“Jimmy Kimmel Live!”
“Late Night with Jimmy Fallon”
“Real Time with Bill Maher”
“Saturday Night Live”

Outstanding Variety Special

“Betty White’s 90th Birthday: A Tribute To America’s Golden Girl”
“Kathy Griffin: Tired Hooker”
“The Kennedy Center Honors” (WINNER)
“Mel Brooks And Dick Cavett Together Again”
“Tony Bennett: Duets II (Great Performances)”

Outstanding Reality Program

“Jamie Oliver’s Food Revolution”
“MythBusters”
“Antiques Roadshow”
“Shark Tank”
“Undercover Boss” (WINNER)
“Who Do You Think You Are?”

Outstanding Nonfiction Series

“American Masters”
“Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations”
“Inside The Actors Studio”
“The Weight Of The Nation”
“Frozen Planet” (WINNER)

Guest Actress in a Comedy Series

Dot-Marie Jones, “Glee”
Maya Rudolph, “Saturday Night Live”
Melissa McCarthy, “Saturday Night Live”
Elizabeth Banks, “30 Rock”
Margaret Cho, “30 Rock”
Kathy Bates, “Two and a Half Men” (WINNER)

Guest Actor in a Comedy Series

Michael J. Fox, “Curb Your Enthusiasm”
Greg Kinnear, “Modern Family”
Bobby Cannavale, “Nurse Jackie”
Jimmy Fallon, “Saturday Night Live” (WINNER)
Will Arnett, “30 Rock”
Jon Hamm, “30 Rock”

Guest Actress in a Drama Series

Martha Plimpton, “The Good Wife” (WINNER)
Loretta Devine, “Grey’s Anatomy”
Jean Smart, “Harry’s Law”
Julia Ormond, “Mad Men”
Joan Cusack, “Shameless”
Uma Thurman, “Smash”

Guest Actor in a Drama Series

Mark Margolis, “Breaking Bad”
Dylan Baker, “The Good Wife”
Michael J. Fox, “The Good Wife”
Jeremy Davies, “Justified” (WINNER)
Ben Feldman, “Mad Men”
Jason Ritter, “Parenthood”

Outstanding Animated Program

“American Dad”
“Bob’s Burgers”
“Futurama”
“The Penguins Of Madagascar: The Return Of The Revenge Of Dr. Blowhole” (WINNER)
“The Simpsons”

Outstanding Children’s Program

“Degrassi”
“Good Luck Charlie”
“iCarly”
“Victorious”
“Wizards Of Waverly Place” (WINNER)