Golf sensation Tiger Woods was injured in a car accident over the weekend after driving his Escalade into a fire hydrant and a tree at two in the morning. He issued the following statement on his official website:

As you all know, I had a single-car accident earlier this week, and sustained some injuries. I have some cuts, bruising and right now I’m pretty sore.

This situation is my fault, and it’s obviously embarrassing to my family and me. I’m human and I’m not perfect. I will certainly make sure this doesn’t happen again.

Although I understand there is curiosity, the many false, unfounded and malicious rumors that are currently circulating about my family and me are irresponsible.

The only person responsible for the accident is me. My wife, Elin, acted courageously when she saw I was hurt and in trouble. She was the first person to help me. Any other assertion is absolutely false.

What “false and malicious” rumors is he talking about, you ask? Namely, that he was caught cheating on his wife Elin Nordegren with some floozy named Rachel Uchitel, and that the “accident” was more of “Elin chasing him down the driveway with a golf club and bashing out the back windshield before he hit the hydrant” kind of situation. According to TMZ

Tiger Woods did not suffer facial lacerations from a car accident. They were inflicted by his wife, Elin Nordegren.

We’re told he said his wife had confronted him about reports that he was seeing another woman. The argument got heated and she scratched his face up. It was then Woods beat a hasty retreat for his SUV — but according to our source, Woods says his wife followed behind with a golf club. As Tiger drove away, she struck the vehicle several times with the club.

We’re told Woods became “distracted,” thought the vehicle was stopped, and looked to see what had happened. At that point the SUV hit the fire hydrant and then hit a tree.

And further corroborating the second version of events is his telling a friend he needed the “Kobe special” to make things right with his wife. TMZ adds

During the phone conversation on Friday, Tiger said his wife had “gone ghetto” on him. Tiger told the friend his wife had scratched his face up during an argument over a report that the golf great had cheated on her.

Tiger told his friend, “I have to run to Zales to get a ‘Kobe Special.’”

The person on the other end of the phone asked Tiger what a “Kobe Special” was. The reply — “A house on a finger.”

The Kobe reference is the now-famous house/ring he gave his wife Vanessa after [his infidelities were made public].

So that’s the Kobe Special? I thought it was “clamping your hand over a white girl’s mouth while using your knee to pry her legs apart.” I’ll be honest, I wasn’t quite sure how that was going to help matters for him. The other definition makes a whole lot more sense.