Hello, my little elves!  It’s Sarah today.  How were your holidays?  Mine were excellent; I only got arrested twice (just once if you only count felonies).

So anyway, you know how Tom Cruise has been on a crazycakes bender since… uhh, ever?  And remember how he’s systematically drained wife Katie Holmes of any semblance of personality or youthful vigor, and in three short years has turned her from a cutie-pie to a cold-sore-riddled, worn-out scarecrow?  And of course, there’s the fact that Suri’s a socially maladjusted weirdo in the making because she has no friends?

Well, it seems none of that constitutes failure on a level spectacular enough for Tom Cruise.  He told the Sun UK that he wants ten children:

When it comes to large celebrity families, the Brangelina clan’s score of six kids is tough to beat.

Cruise, though, reveals that he would like to have TEN.

In an exclusive interview with The Sun, the Hollywood superstar talks about how he loves being a father and why the 16-year age gap with his third wife Katie Holmes is not a problem.

Tom grins: “I want ten children. I love kids. I feel really fortunate to have the teenagers and a two and a half-year-old. It’s a great dynamic.”

Trim and remarkably young looking for a man in his mid-forties, Tom reckons he is more than able to keep up with his young wife. Commenting on the age gap, he says: “If I’m worried about anything, it’s if she can keep up with me. I’m very active.”

Jesus Christ, he’s gonna wring poor Katie dry with this mission to turn her into an incubator for Xenu.  She’s already kinda broken with just the one kid right now.  Look, here she is dressed in ill-fitting shorts and stirrup tights in NYC in the middle of winter: