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You Wouldn’t Like Lindsay When She’s Horny

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You already know that Lindsay Lohan gets drilled more often than the Alaskan coastline in the late nineteen-eighties. But what happens when Lindsay doesn’t get her daily requirement of wiener? Rush and Molloy say

Lindsay Lohan was working her charms as she fluttered back and forth between Adrian Grenier and Leonardo DiCaprio Tuesday night at a West Hollywood club. LiLo at first gravitated to Grenier, pulling off her red leather jacket and pulling him onto the dance floor. But when the girl he came with reclaimed the “Entourage” star, Lohan made her way over to the table where Leo was partying with Kevin Connolly and Lukas Haas. “She was very flirty with Leo,” says our spy. “But he wasn’t saying much to her.” DiCaprio and Grenier and their posses exited around 2 a.m., leaving Lohan [penis-less].

Then the sound of fabric ripping echoed through the club as Lindsay lumbered to the center of the floor with a vagina bulging three times its normal size. She frantically scoured the room and bellowed “Ho-han horny! Ho-han smash!” before ripping the top from a table so she could mount its base, alternating between angry snarls and whimpers of delight. Unfortunately, by that time most everyone had already run screaming from the building, so nobody got pictures. But they weren’t kidding when they said you don’t want to make Lindsay Lohan horny! Trust me — you wouldn’t like her when she’s horny.

The Bill Bixby Lindsay at a Fendi celebration on Wednesday:

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